i got nothing

today i felt like a jukebox and people were pumping quarters into me looking for me to sing a particular song.

something wonderful happened

I was thinking from time to time today about my bestfriend and how we've drifted so far apart. Knowing that she's in Chicago, where I'll be in a couple days, if she even cared anymore to let me know what's going on with her or to inquire about me. We had exchanged some texts and some emails and it just left me feeling like things were not going to be the same anymore, like everything. Can you imagine when the only person in the world that completely understands you as a human being doesn't return your calls?? its a tremendous void to fill. That leads me to the next paragraph.

Something happened to me, I don't know what the origin of it was, but I decided with a strong-will that I was going to change the world around. I've been living as bottom-feeder living off my world and trying to adjust to its changes around me. All of a sudden, I said to myself, 'within 60 days you are going to transform yourself and there is no option'

I made a contingency plan, if something bad happens or something goes wrong, work harder, be stronger, don't lose focus, don't let your mind stray on those thoughts that suck my energy.

Somewhere around 10:30 I called my mom to tell her my uncle called me unexpectedly, we talked. It felt like so long I remember talking to my mom about family gossip and family news. My mother's mother, my nani, my heart is heading to Delhi on May 5th to interview for a visa. I had to ask her again to make sure I was understanding what I was hearing.

My heart felt just felt light, like so much had been lifted off of it. Tears starting welling up in my eyes when I asked my mom when will she be hear. My mom is a lot more reserved, maybe shes worried. I'm not. This is the best news I've gotten all year. When she sees me, she's going to see the BEST me.

If she doesn't come, then I'm going to her to show her what I've become. My plan is simple; restore balance to my life - knowledge, health, relationships, spiritual growth, finance. The second part it stay on my path and don't deviate for anything or anyone.

I got some really good things on my horizon right now so its not about trying for me anymore, its only about doing.

failure

I don't want to talk about it really. But yes the Suns lost and yes it happened the only way it could; with hope, then despair, then hope, then reality... That summarizes the flow of the game.

I had to spend hours on the phone with a friend from home just to feel better. I don't think I can watch game three. But its like a kid with a father who walked out on him and his mom told he went out for cigarettes. He keeps hoping that he's coming back, waiting by the door, peering out the window. The kid NEEDS something to look forward to, he needs to have a false sense of hope because without it his heart goes cold.

Its just basketball, and I'm sure tomorrow it wont eat at me like it does now, but you really have to understand when a city is ingrained in your personality, and a team's spirit is in soul. Yes, I'm that attached, just like most of the big sports fans. Right now, thats all I got really, so it affects me a little more than it should.

Anyways, baseball season started and my team is in first place there. I guess I have that.

Game 2

Tomorrow at about 7EST, the third most important basketball game I've watched in my entire life will take place. Its only the 3rd most important game because the other 2 were the most heartbreaking experiences for me an Arizona resident and a Phoenix sports fanatic.

The first game was the 1993 Finals when Paxson, not Michael Jordan hit the game-winning three and crushing all the hopes of my city and mine. It's where the greatest team that the Phoenix Suns have ever assembled was no match for one of the greatest teams every assembled in the history of basketball. Timing is a bitch.

The second game was last year. Game 5, when the Suns came so close to pulling off the miracle against the Spurs after the NBA suspended 2 players for technically breaking one of the dumbest rules I've ever heard of. Watch and you tell me. Since when is checking on a teammate worth a suspension? And why do the badguy Spurs always get the breaks?



So that sets the stage for this game. Its the Spurs once again. The Suns lost one of the most heartbreaking games ever. And the reason why its so imporant, is because this is supposed to bour year. This is supposed to the be the year we break through against the Spurs. So is this team going to respond? That's why its so important to the city.

Damn, I wish I didn't have conference calls, but duty comes first I guess....

i want to write a book

Why? Because my story is worth telling. Someone could learn from mistakes. Maybe I'll learn something about myself in the process. There's a lot of good anecdotes I could transcribe that maybe somebody would read and say, hey, that's how I feel...

First thing is first, I need to become a better blogger... Who knows, maybe someday these memoirs will make it off the internet and into a bookstore. Or more likely, I'll continue to write these half-baked late night ramblings with no audience until I finally decide enough is enough.

a great way to describe me

quirky, intense, and not for everybody...

Linkin Park Lyrics
Shadow of the Day Lyrics

the last 48 hours...

I've been looking forward to the end of this tax season. But even half-way through I know that in a way didn't want to end. Because even though its been a 'learning process' and it been a stressful period in my life... I don't know what I'm doing after this whole thing... I try to stay a couple steps ahead and I have a plan in my mind.

Those plans in my mind rarely ever make it to fruition, so I feel like I'm walking on hot coals. . I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of different people there might be something wrong with my mind. I'm just going to say it, my dreams, my plans, my expectations - they could be merely the imagination of a crazy man.

Who knows about all that, all I know is when that clock strikes midnight, my equivalent of a white carriage turns into the equivalent of a pumpkin. Hmm, here's a good one, when my clock strikes 12, my flying carpet (as safe as those things are - no freaking seatbelts and somehow break the laws of aerodynamics not to mention logic) turns into a coffee table. hahaha, I thought I had something good but I didn't. Guess what the first thing I saw was...

And why am I attracted to white girl so much??

moral dilemmas

I've only learned recently that you can run from who you are, but eventually it will find you once again. You can strive to be something more, something different than who you've been, but that moment when you break through is when you're confronted again by those issues in the present era...

And right now I see worlds colliding for me and taking the easy way out would be to let the path find me. I can easily justify the situation with a million reasons.

I still don't know what I'm going to do. I don't believe that you can have your cake and eat it too. Life is too dichotomous. If you make a choice, there will always be a consequence. Wow, I just wrote that but I didn't realize how powerful of a statement that is in my own life.

how do i do it?

a friend asked me that last week... how do i do this whole consulting thing? how do i get the leads, how do i approach them, how do i get them to go with me? its very simple, i get on the internet, and 50% skill/50% swagger...

everything should be so simple

when life gives u lemons

u scream and shout and fight until u get the oranges u asked for in the first place....

ive had to lay down and accept a lot of things. ive had to move on others schedules, and everything else.

so y would i continue to respect people who dont really have any for me other than the obligatory amount given to human beings.

nothing left to argue, to discuss, i am going to do MY thing, MY way. SELFISH? Maybe... much needed? Its absolutely necessary.

gangsta rap made me do it

I am a prophet?

Probably not, just someone who cares more than enough to observe for a purpose. I said pretty much everything Ice Cube is saying in this song in a my Final paper for American Cultures 201 my freshman year in college. My thesis was that 'hip hop' is a positive influence on American society and my second hypothesis is that gangsta rap has a necessary place in our culture. Its the musical manifestation of the ugly side our world. It represents the subculture that transcends just ghettos but reaches in the mainstream in the footage he shows in this video.

Thanks cube, for verifying that my B+ should have been A. That was the first time in school I wrote a paper on something I wanted to express myself for more than a good grade.

Even though most music sucks nowadays, Ice Cube is still the OG. And coming from the West Coast on a political tip, i think its been a long time coming.

the man who i sparked my city

Why the Memphis Tigers will beat UCLA

To make it simple if you haven't seen either teams play, its pretty logical from my viewpoint. Memphis played a harder bracket to get to the Final Four and not only did they impress their critics by dismantling some of the top teams in the country, they did it the same way in each of the 4 games. They look like a team thats got a chip on their shoulder the size of the Grand Canyon and they can't wait to prove the entire world that they belong next to the powerhouse traditions of these basketball institutions - Kansas, North Carolina, and UCLA. Now I'm going into intangibles, whoops.

They have better athletes, they're better offensively and in transition. UCLA has the experience, the defensive intensity, and the coaching with one of the best coaches in college basketball. But my man John Calipari can motivate a team, and can get the best out of individuals like he did when he took UMASS to the Final Four.

To me it comes down how UCLA handles Memphis defense and if they can get back in transition when Derrick Rose (who is already and going to be a very special player, not to mention a very rich man when hes the number one pick in the NBA draft this year).

The other thing that makes it real easy to determine is going to win. Who has the better players. It sounds pretty simplistic, but when I look at all the previous national champions, they had the most NBA talent on their teams. If you ask me UCLA has 2 really good prospects and 2 so-so but all 4 will play in the NBA. Memphis has 2 really good prospects and 1 so-so. BUT they have a lot of guys who are young and don't really play right now. So I still think Memphis has the advantage. Because their NBA talent don't have ceilings the way that UCLA players do.


Here's the run-down on previous champions
2007 Florida - 4 players in the NBA, 2 lotter picks
2006 Florida - same team
2005 North Carolina - 5 players in NBA, 3 lottery picks
2004 Connecticut - 4 guys

this is all off the top of my head so might forget about a guy or 2 but it goes back further and further...

Bottomline I expect Memphis to beat UCLA in the second half and then beat North Carolina in of the best championship games of all time.

silly girls

Amongst all the unwanted bullshit that finds its way its those people that you didn't ask for but don't want to leave. How did a phone call become so meaningful? As if it proves existence in an infinite world. OR just in world of someone else. Can I get a ring, ring??

living

sometimes life has nothing to do with me. so its about living for those who i make happy. it gives me the warm and fuzzies inside when i know can make my family laugh and smile...