it rains just enough for the road to become absolutely slick and there giving me a chance to smash up my car on the freeway and give me a heart attack while im sitting perpindicular to oncoming traffic....
theres 2 ways to view this, one is that i was extremely lucky that i wasn't injured seriously or even dead.
OR my string of badluck continues
either way it was a great way to cap one of the worst nights out in LA, very nice
i spent 2 hours on the phone with one of my best friends from high school tonight talking about a lot of different things. what i realized is that no matter how what your education level is, if you don't have a job the economy sucks when you're looking for what really matters you its difficult.
i went to b-school not to get a comfortable job in the corporate world. i went to school to educate myself to gain the tools i was lacking to do what i want to do. consulting. no one knows that i spend an hour an night educating myself on whatever i have a interest in that night. whether it be politics, sports, pyschology, popculture, history (i wish i could get another masters).
all i want right now is an opportunity to do what im capable of and i believe that people aren't truly aware of what they are capable of because they dont take those risks. and for some of those arent those risks are just what we know, nothing less.
coughing and hiccuping at the same time... not the most pleasant breathing situation but someone is thinking about me.
Blue morning blue morning wrapped in strands of fist and bone
Curiosity, kitten,
Doesnt have to mean youre on your own
You can look outside your window
He doesnt have to know
We can talk awhile, baby
We can take it nice and slow
All your life is such a shame, shame, shame
All your love is just a dream, dream, dream
Are you happy when youre sleeping?
Does he keep you safe and warm?
Does he tell you when youre sorry?
Does he tell you when youre wrong?
Ive been watching you for hours
Its been years since we were born
We were perfect when we started
Ive been wondering where weve gone
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow
Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there
Counting crows
One for sorrow two for joy
Three for girls and four for boys
Five for silver six for gold and
Seven for a secret never to be told
Theres a bird that nests inside you
Sleeping underneath your skin
When you open up your wings to speak
I wish youd let me in
All your life is such a shame
All your love is just a dream
Open up your eyes
You can see the flames of your wasted life
You should be ashamed
You dont want to waste your life
I walk along these hillsides in the summer neath the sunshine
I am feathered by the moonlight falling down on me
Change, change, change
This might be me second-guessing my personality, but for the naive, I have very little sympathy. In points of crisis or when decisions need to be made, I play the probabilities and I have a pretty damn good calculator underneath the curls... I'm just not sure if its taken as harsh commentary.
No one has really said anything to me but I feel like I know what I'm talking about. And I have a lot of experience with a lot of knowledge so maybe I don't get that credibility. And thats OK. So I just have to stick with I told you so as the scoreboard.
Extreme ways are back again
Extreme places I didnt know
I broke everything new again
Everything that Id owned
I threw it out the windows, came along
Extreme ways I know move apart
The colors of my sea
Perfect color me
Extreme ways that that help me
Help me out at night
Extreme places I had gone
But never seen any light
Dirty basements, dirty noise
Dirty places coming through
Extreme worlds alone
Did you ever like it planned
I would stand in line for this
Theres always room in life for this
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Like it always does, always does
Extreme songs that told me
They helped me down every night
I didnt have much to say
I didnt get above the light
I closed my eyes and closed myself
And closed my world and never opened
Up to anything
That could get me along
I had to close down everything
I had to close down my mind
Too many things to cover me
Too much can make me blind
Ive seen so much in so many places
So many heartaches, so many faces
So many dirty things
You couldnt believe
I would stand in line for this
Its always good in life for this
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Then it fell apart, it fell apart
Oh baby, oh baby
Like it always does, always does
Its weird this year because I haven't really been caught up on college basketball so I don't know who is really good from the big conferences other than the Pac10 and I can't tell who is going to be a cinderella. But this is my favorite sporting event next to the World Cup. I love tournaments... I love the idea that anyone can win at any time. I love the passion and intensity that these guys play with and the camaraderie they share. I miss playing in tournaments, its a special experience. You got all these guys coming from all over, they dont even need to speak the same language you speak they know the game your playing and they have their own style of winning.
So my predictions Georgetown, UCLA, UNC, and my champion Memphis. Call it a sentimental pick, but I love their coach John Calipari, I love their unconventional style... they run the DDM, Dribble Drive Motion, a style that majority of people dont even know about much less understand. But its hella entertaining and you have to be committed to it as an institution to recruit players that fit the mold. Either way, I love his style, I Cal's persona, I'm going to read his book.
Not this has any relevance to st pattys day other than the drunken irishmen, but I have a great memory from almost 8 years ago. When I was in London, my bestfriend and I met an Irish Rugby team in our Hotel lobby. These were the jolliest guys I've met, not because they were hammered, but because they took us in like we were long-lost brothers. So these guys taught us theyre drinking songs, an irish jig and some rugby stuff. We showed them American football and they thought we were wussies... Either way aa grand ole time.
So thats what St. Pattys is supposed to be all about for me. Drinking green beer, pounding Irish Carbombs, talking like a leperchaun and being jolly. To my chagrin, my college friends take it as go get shitfaced and and throwdown in a parking lot like its a riot at football match... Not my kind of fun. So I'll save the fun for next Cinco de Mayo.
We're not like Chicago or these older cities that throw parades for St. Patrick. Nobody does Cinco de Mayo like Southern California; NYE x 2 with sombreros and tamales.
Its been more than a week now since my ritualistic removal of my bad luck. It was way more than tha spirtually and mentally. But I did feel a difference and I do feel like things are starting to clear up. And the poewr of positive thinking has put me down the path to get my swagger back.
When the dominoe's fall they go both ways sometimes. Anyways, things are getting excited and I'm not going to let anyone take it away from me. Right now its time for deep sleep.
theyre always trying to project their values on to YOU. even when you're just friends.
A friend of mine who hadn't been exposed to my inner circle or the inner workings of my life said, 'Damn, dawg you have a lot of haters.. whats up with that?'
You know, he's right. A lot of people are hating on me. And i take things personally so its hard for me to brush them off. But, everybody has their own agenda and as much as I push the envelope creating a lot of resentment with my cowboy mentality, I wouldn't have it any other way...
All the successful people have the same problem. And if it means that much to everyone else to have something to say on what I'm doing then I'm having an impact, and thats what I want. I'm doing things the right way, I'm sorry if you don't like it. Just ask yourself, what would you have done....
You can't win. When you're the leader and you're the focal point when things go wrong, you're fucked. Everyone turns on you... So what am I doing this for again?? Doesn't really matter because its not like I have a choice.
Today marked Five years since mom passed. Its mind-blowing as its so fresh like it was yesterday and sometimes I feel like things are amazing and get better in time, sometimes its far from that. I guess thats life. I got a message that reminded me of mom and made me want to forward it to you especially because of the way it ends...
One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the
warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning
that sometimes there isn't anymore. No more hugs, no more special
moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more
'just one minute.' Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used
up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, or say 'I
love you.'
So while we have it , it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when
it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage ...
and old cars .. and children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad
hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are
worth it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away or a classmate
we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, no
matter what.
Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep
them close!
I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Contact all those people who are 'keepers' in your life and communicate how you feel.
Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?
I was thinking.........I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I
wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that
needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.
Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they
don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little
words and a smile can do.
And just in case GOD calls me home .
I LOVE YA!!!
Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised. If you don't
like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you
think about it.
If youre having a bad day, think about how blessed you are and really live and love the way you are meant to, celebrating her life. That would make her happiest.
God Bless,
Raja
There's a few things that I need to do get my life on A track. There's a few areas that the kid needs to pay the most obvious attention to; my health, my soul, my career, and my social life. I have to reidentify exactly who am I religiously. I've spent a lot of time making changes in my lifestyle and I lost what my intentions were. So I'm trying to find that mixture. I'm comfortable with my way of life and not feeling guilty because I'm not living up to others standards. I've been following a lot of rituals and things that I don't fully understand to feel closer to God or feel that God is watching over me. At the same time I made changes in my diet and in my behaviour to make me a better person. Ultimately, was I doing it for myself or for how others percieve me?
I'm flying home today to perform a ritual that is supposed to decluster the stars for me and things will get better according to the priest and all the believers. I guess I have to believe but I still have nothing to lose really so I'm excited about it.
As far as health, I'm going to drop the bills necessary for proper health insurance. I spent a ton of money on TVs, and cell phones, and other gadgets and I need to really spend it on whats necessary now.
For career, this one doesn't have an easy answer. I know what I want to do and what drives me so now I need to figure out how to get back to that point. I'm ony 26 and I've done so much in my life already. To me I always feel like I could've done more but all the lessons I've learned and experience I've gained should be enough. You win some you lose some and I'm the one that say syou learn more from failure than you do from success.
Socially, I'm finding myself again. I'm breaking out of my shell and starting to show that confidence and swagger that I've been known for. Its not an act, but I have been acting like that for a long time I feel like.
Whenever that cloud starts forming over my head I have to not get sucked into its gloom. I have actually have to believe that it is going to pass me over.
