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    Sunday, December 31, 2006

    what i learned in 2006

    what i learned is that nobody knows...

    you can have a plan to say you're going to do this or that but nobody knows. you say will end up here but you never do. im just making this shit up as i go along.

    the other most important thing i learned was what Ankur told me. Regardless of everything else that i felt or that other people told me he said it simply, "you need a chick thats got ur back"

    at first i was like yeah, yeah i didnt know what that meant, but the more he told me and more things go along he's right. i was confusing someone doing things out of guilt for getting my back. i know who's got me when it counts.

    ill see in you 2007

    Friday, December 29, 2006

    dont forget ur happyslip

    omg, this chick is way too funny, i guess u have to filipino people but even so i think everyone can find the humor

    www.happyslip.com

    Thursday, December 28, 2006

    blue velocity consulting

    Starting businesses and building ideas and concepts is the most fun and rewarding thing to do, atleast one of them. Today I spent a couple hours working on my new business, a consulting practice. I love it.

    I can't begin to tell you how it feels. But the future prospects the potential is just amazing. It's fuel for your spirit. It's like when you're on vacation and you're driving in a taxi to your hotel and you just can't wait to get out, so full of energy.

    Tuesday, December 26, 2006

    im writing this to you

    I can say I have an audience and a following. But I write for 2 people...

    Monday, December 25, 2006

    Happy Festivus!!

    There's a festivus for the rest of us. X-mas time this year is family time for most people. Not only because we have holidays to spend this time with out loved ones, but it's a merry time for all, right??

    Not that I don't enjoy this time of the year, but I'm just not into the gift giving and everything. All our families came from other countries and ours came from India. Everybody has to assimilate and we pick up the things we want to be a part of. As a kid I did the tree thing and the present thing and it's not that I don't do it now or that I don't like to do it. I just don't always like doing what everyone else is doing. I'll take gifts though!

    It is supposed to be better to give then to receive, anyways. I don't want to be the grinch and I don't be a negative person saying celebrate christmas for the rights reasons if you believe it. So I'm changing my attitude to indifferent and taking in the holiday spirit as other people posesse it.

    I'll be spending xmas day alone this year. That might change later but right now I'm here and it does bother me that I'm not with my family, but I have another blog for that specific topic. It's definitely alright though to be alone if it can't be any other way.

    Thursday, December 21, 2006

    my unsualness



    What is it you said to the kid? The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place... and no matter how tough you think you are, it'll always bring you to your knees and keep you there, permanently... if you let it. You or nobody ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. If you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit.

    So today, I made some spontaneous decisions. I was supposed to go see Rocky Balboa tonight with Cameron but I decided at 4PM that I wanted to go to the 4:40 show, by myself... So I looked up the times, drove to the movie theatre and sat in half-empty theatre and got the closure on the Rocky series like I and others always wanted to get. I wanted to see a movie by myself since I had never done that and I wanted to see a movie that I really wanted to see - by myself. I wanted to NOT share a special moment with anyone. I wanted to know what it felt like by msyelf. It was unique. I know what you all are thinking: "Dude Rocky? Are you serious?"

    Yes I am. I grew up on Rocky just like 2 or 3 other generations of American males. The underdog story, the guy who wasnt smart enough, fast enough, big enough, just plain not good enough to be the Champion of the world but defied conventional logic and physical limitations with heart and courage and persistence.

    I definitely gained something out of this. Not only did I get the closure but I learned alot about myself just sitting in that theatre. I realized that she had released all my emotions that I had kept inside me. The same emotions that I controlled with my focus and passion to be successful. It was the chip on my shoulder.

    I also realized that my happiness comes in moments, and periods of time. I've been content for a long time. I have been content. I am content right now. When I'm content I'm not satisfied with things; I know things can be better and I want them to be better but it's not a going to change how i was in the moment. I was content with her. But here is the difference and something very significance. Even though I felt content, I was at peace. Does that make sense? I know things were hard because of the distance and limited time and other certain things but I was happy at times and nothing less that content the rest of the time.

    Ok my eyes are closing and I got a big day before I head out to Vegas tomm.

    Tuesday, December 19, 2006

    15 straight!!!

    The Suns won their 15th straight game. Expectations were stacked high and the Suns (with a very tough schedule going against them) lost 5 of their first 6 games. People started to doubt and everybody thought things were falling apart. And then Phoenix Suns some how pulled it together to win 17 of the next 18 games. That doesn't happen in the NBA anymore, wtf??

    It's crazy how sports and a team's triumphs can lift people up. I love what's going on with Saints in New Orleans. Even though things aren't all good in the city people have rallied around this team and their lifting the spirits of the community. Even if it's a Sunday for 3 hours people are not thinking about their house that was destroyed or the family members they never found.

    On a completely separate note. I'm starting to understand how deep I got into this relationship. I wasn't ready for my life to change in the beginning and I'm not ready for it to change again. The timing of this is extremely difficult because there so much change going on in my life and I'm struggling to keep afloat. Good thing I didn't get that Christmas present I was planning on getting...

    I'm supposed to spending this time going through my heart and my head figuring out what the hell to do and I'm avoiding it. Tommorrow I'll be stronger. Tonight I hide behind my work and friends and whatever I can hide behind.

    The Real Desi.com

    I forgot that this website was still around. They have some very eloquently, thoughtful articles written by people with some great vision. Check out this article I think it applies to some degree to everyone.



    The Ex Factor - Part 2 of Last Month's Article: The Break-Up

    by Shweta Arora

    Desi Break upWe all have a dusty old book that we have put away on a shelf. We look at it every now and then, sometimes even reminisce about the different chapters, but know not to take it off the shelf…then one day you get that phone call, and before you know it the book is open in your hands asking you, “what will you will write as the next chapter?”

    When you break up with somebody, you think that’s the end. You’ll probably never speak to them again. Either they will hate you or you hate them. For some though, that book never really has an ending. Regardless of whether the relationship ended amicably or not, whether someone cheated or not, and whether they dumped you or you dumped them, someone makes the phone call. Many times it is just to see how the other person is doing. Sometimes though, the loneliness is too hard and you revert back, even though you know the relationship will not go anywhere
    With any argument or disagreement, sometimes it’s best to just walk away, at least for a little while. It is no different with a break-up. In fact, it is actually necessary. Both parties need the break to heal and in some cases find themselves again. Personally, as difficult as that time is and as hard as it is to be alone, I look at it as a time to redefine who I am.

    The post break-up time frame is a time for reflection. When we’re in our early twenties, most of us don’t look at things with such depth. As we begin to approach our thirties, we begin to think about and plan our future. Things tend to take a more serious ambiance whether we like it or not. It’s no longer just about good looks and fast cars; it’s about finding the right life partner. I believe every person that comes into our life (good or bad), has come to teach us some lesson about ourselves. With an ex, this is even truer. Each relationship we are in, that does not work, is only preparing us for the real thing. The post break-up time period allows us the time to reflect on the good/bad traits, characteristics, habits we look for in a partner as well as those we portray ourselves.

    Let’s say you’ve moved on though. You’ve taken the break from talking to each other. You’re over the hurt and anger. Now what? Can you be friends with an ex? Of course you can; but the relationship with an ex is all dependant on the circumstances of the break-up; the length of the relationship, how serious the relationship was, etc. That’s the easy part. Things can get pretty sticky though, when you add a new girlfriend/boyfriend to the pot. Can the friendship with an ex continue and should it?

    You must realize, no matter how close of a friend you are with an ex, your new significant other will impact that friendship. The first stages of a new relationship are already fragile. You’re trying to define the dynamics of the relationship. Both parties are trying to figure out where things are going. There may also be some insecurity; does he/she feel the same way? The beginning of a relationship is wonderful, but there are a lot of emotions in the air. These feelings will undoubtedly be affected by an ex being tossed into the mix.

    It’s important to balance the new girlfriend/boyfriend with the ex. Meaning, in order to continue a relationship with the new, you will need to include him/her on activities involving the old. Doubt is an innate characteristic in humans. No matter how secure your significant other may feel, if you do not include him/her when dealing with your ex, doubt will inevitably kick in. In order to prevent the ugliness of such a situation, it is better to be proactive in your approach regarding your ex.

    Unfortunately, women tend to be clingier when they’re insecure and when it comes to ex- girlfriends. Maybe that’s because we know how women can be. Men on the other hand just distance themselves if they feel insecure. Just remember if you’re the new girlfriend/boyfriend, implementing stipulations on your boyfriend/girlfriend regarding their ex, it will only cause resentment. You’ll be setting yourself up for a lose-lose situation. If you’re the ex, you’ll have to accept that your friendship will change. You have to acknowledge the new man/woman in your ex’s life and understand the new guidelines of your friendship.
    Your ex can become a factor in your relationship, but to what extent, is all dependent upon you. Just remember maintaining balance is extremely important when bringing people together who are connected because of you.

    Monday, December 18, 2006

    i call this group therapy

    I use this blog as my group therapy but then again I don't hear anything back from anyone. The people in Westford, Nashua, and Lawrence read the blog and I hope they are getting something out of it. I know I definitely am. Obviously LA is my big hit but I international reach in Germany and Bombay. I can check through my google analytics account. I would highly suggest it for anyone wanting to track stats on a website or webpage.

    Anyways, back to my boring usualy topic of dealing with my relationship that just ended. I'm taking some time to not even talk or communicate with her so that I can figure how things are without her. It might sound like I have the right idea, but my intentions sound strange. Basically, the whole idea is her and I both to search our hearts and make sure that that it is what it is. I would rather her be happier with someone else if I make can't make her happy enough. It's a no-brainer for me. I know things would have be

    I know I can't convince her that things will work out. I can't make her see that people comprimise if that person is worth it. If its not worth it, its not worth it. Its a tough pill to swallow but I'm washing it down with a glass of wine as we speak... LOL. I've said my piece over and over and internally I know won't accept that things don't work because people are different. I wouldn't be alive if that were true.

    Anyways, its like that part of the movie when the something bad happens to the hero where the bad stuff happens the guy changes forever. And then he goes on a rampage and things end up alright in the end but obviously its not the same... Well the rampage im sure won't be like in the Rambo movies but it will be like a combination of partying, spiritual growth, business success etc... Some may sound contradicting but it comes in phases.

    Sunday, December 17, 2006

    my favorite song

    anyboyd who knows me, knows ive been rocking this depeche mode jam for a year and a half nonstop


    Precious and fragile things
    Need special handling
    My God what have we done to you
    We always tried to share
    The tenderest of care
    Now look what we have put you through

    Things get damaged
    Things get broken
    I thought we'd manage
    But words left unspoken
    Left us so brittle
    There was so little left to give

    Angels with silver wings
    Shouldn't know suffering
    I wish I could take the pain for you
    If God has a master plan
    That only He understands
    I hope it's your eyes He's seeing through

    Things get damaged
    Things get broken
    I thought we'd manage
    But words left unspoken
    Left us so brittle
    There was so little left to give

    I pray you learn to trust
    Have faith in both of us
    And keep room in your hearts for two

    Things get damaged
    Things get broken
    I thought we'd manage
    But words left unspoken
    Left us so brittle
    There was so little left to give

    change

    CHANGE

    I've been thinking about something lately.

    Imagine this:

    You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.

    Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.

    Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

    Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?


    Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?

    (Working on it...)

    POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 04:48 AM FROM SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

    Saturday, December 16, 2006

    way to go Ezster!

    My once very close friend in college Eszter burned bridges with her flakiness and drug use. She disappeared from all of us and lost our friendships. Well I'm glad that she has put things together and I'm proud of all shes done to get her life on track.

    Life After the L Word

    Body: Four months ago, on August 15th, my life changed. My three year relationship with a person who I now know to be an insecure, selfish, and manipulative excuse for a human being came to an explosive end when he did the unthinkable and ultimately pushed me over the edge. I walked out on my new job, abandoned all hope, and saw no end in sight as my life spiraled out of control.

    For almost two months, I really didn't think I was going to make it, and I didn't care one way or the other. Quite honestly, I never expected what everyone else saw coming from a distance, and pretty much from day one of what I once thought was a fairy tale romance. At the time, I was crushed.... totally defeated, or so I thought. I'd been tricked into believing that I had sabotaged what could have been, and it took most of those four months for me to retrace my steps, realize my mistakes, and regain my footing.

    I start a new job on Monday. It may not be my dream job, but it's one of many steps I've taken, one at a time, in the right direction. Slowly, but with a renewed confidence and a newly heightened sense of who I am, I have begun to reclaim my identity, bit by bit. For three years I suppressed my aspirations, alienated most of my friends, and sacrificed so much for so little without realizing that all along I'd been digging my own grave, and one which I almost fell right fell into willingly.

    But here I am. I survived. And I've actually come to accept, and even embrace the scars, the memories, the repercussions.... all of it. I am a stronger person for it, I am a better person for it, but I didn't, and couldn't have done it without the support of my family and friends. To those who reached out, thank you for your kind words and wishes, your patience and tolerance, and your willingness to communicate with someone on the verge of clinical psychosis (or so I'm told). And to those who watched the train wreck in silence,.... PLEASE DON'T FEEL BAD. I've gone back and reread some of my suicidal rants, and they scare me too.

    Next on my checklist is finding a new place to live that's close to work, close enough to my family, and as far away from the source of my pain as I can get. So basically, somewhere in The Valley, and with a roommate who understands that my cat's life far outweighs hers. And somewhere NOT in Venice, where my once perfect beach apartment sits vacant and paid for, and will remain nearly vacant but paid for until March 1st. Venice, unfortunately, lost its appeal at the hands of one very unappealing resident I hope to never run into again.

    Happy Holidays!

    Love,

    E

    chasing cars

    How am i supposed to feel? We're supposed to push through in times of crisis or times of despair so that's what I'm doing? Is there something wrong with that? Whatever I got to do I got to do.
    Then I get stuff like this:

    If there ever comes a day when we can't
    be together, keep me in your heart,
    i'll stay there forever."_winnie the pooh

    Why can't she just let me be??

    Thursday, December 14, 2006

    its been 1 day

    I was a single for a long time. I met alot of girls and I couldn't connect with them. Not that I was looking for a connection but it just didn't happen. At 25, with my experience and with all that I've been through and all that I know, I know what I want and what I don't want.

    It's a workable idea but it took me alot of dates, alot of time and energy spent causually and noncasually to see in my mind what I wanted and what was good for me. I try to look at all her flaws and all the negatives I could think of to force myself to cut her out of my heart. I tried to listen to reason and the harsh side of reality but I just can't do it.

    She might be on the market already and have cut me out and pushed aside all the feelings that were there for me, but I can't do that. She might see me as a "friend" now and someone frin the past. In life we can only stress about things that we can control, right?

    I can't even control my feelings for her. It might've been just 4 months and it might've been maybe less than a week of time together in person... but it definitely doesn't feel that way for me. I don't want to say it was a lifetime of emotion but I made an extra effort and I did what I could to make this the best thing I've been involved in. At times it was even too much for me to be involved in.

    Things that bother me the most... Will I ever see her again? Are all the good times and memories that we shared just memories now, nothing more- nothing less? Is she happier now without me?

    But then again its only been one day. RIGHT?? :(

    oh.....right

    This was a first for me. I had a dream that was so real that everything seemed normal and good in life. Nothing in particular stood except the company I kept. All the bad that happened was a distant memory and a stepping stone to something greater. I was happy, content, satisfied... and then I woke up confused and disoriented. Then everything hit me, oh.... right

    Wednesday, December 13, 2006

    stop reading my blog

    u know what hurts???

    "back on the market"

    imagine someone says that the day they break up with u. that shows u who they aren't who u thought they were

    the plant was killed

    dont be alarmed if my words cause any hurt... thats just reality setting in... my words and my blogs are meant to tell things from my vantage point, if they offend anyone or hurt their feelings I am sorry. this disclaimer is retroactive as of today.

    sorry

    For anybody who actually reads this blog I hope that I don't across as some bitter, broken-hearted fool whose problems are worse than yours or anything else going on in the world. This hopefully will put an end to this issue, and my last relationship which is over. I need to get this off my chest before I get back into my work.

    Nothing makes logical sense. At the same time she has strong feelings for me, she can't see herself spending the rest of her life with me? WHOAH... I haven't drawn any conclusions on that subject yet she has been able to do that on the limited time that we've spent together in 4 months. She tells me I deserve the best and that is not her. She says she doesnt see things working, but she wants maintain a friendship with me. Do these sound contradicting at all?

    Do these statements, objectively sound like something coming from a stable person?? I don't think so. She says she doesnt to want prolong something that isn't going to work out because she knows it wont and it will be harder later to break it off. Ok that's fine, but the differences that existed between us were known from the beginning. I don't care what anybody says, those were accepted in the beginning and they can't be brought up later just because it bugs her.

    I don't get it, if I'm such a good person and she has strong feelings for me and I make her happy then why would she in her right mind leave it? She says she doesn't want to lose me, yet she is no longer with me. Well let me ask you, why would leave somebody? Here are my answers...

    1- You think there is something better out there. There might be, but there is no guarantee that there is and if it doesnt work out then you end up settling anyways.
    2- You're young and have options and choices and you're venturing out of college into this new world and want to explore it and whatever. Ok thats fine, but don't get involved with somebody just so they can be the stable force to bridge the gap for you. Especially if that person really cares about that person and is willing to do anything for them. It's a dangerous situation
    3- You lost the ability to make rational decisions. In that case get your self some mental health.
    3- What your saying is lies. Nice knowing you. Karma's a bitch.

    So many girls play this game and they all end up calling themselves stupid in the end. You'd be suprised but I've had enough girls tell me they were stupid because they were in insecure and unsure about what and who they wanted. Some of them got back what they wanted when they figured it out and others weren't so lucky.

    We're on 2 different pages but if she is not willing to make an effort to see if things will work out because she doesnt want the heartache and she doesn't think its going to work, I can't change her mind. I've tried...

    I have to start over. I wish I didn't rely on her for support, for a smile, for comfort. After 6 years of the single life, I had reached a level of happiness and I know I can maintain that even alone. After being with somebody that meant so much to me I don't know how I can do this again. The people that keep rebuilding their homes and their lives after hurricanes hit have more faith than me. They keep starting over and they keep hoping it doesn't get destoyed again.

    This time I'm moving. It's not that this is the last time or that this hurt more than others. It's because the quality of this person makes me think that anybody is capable of anything. If you open up to somebody like that it goes terrible out of your control than you really don't have anywhere else to turn.

    If there are any guys reading this out there that know me and all this is a complete shock to them. I just want them to know that I'm just as vulnerable as the next even though I might put on a front and carry myself a certain way. This is all real yo, and I hope that you can atleast respect that I'm sharing this with the world wide web.

    Monday, December 11, 2006

    Saying Goodbye

    Saying goodbye has always been one of the toughest things for me. I know alot of people have this problem too. We latch on and we don't want to think that this is goodbye. Our instincts are to delay the sorrowness of saying goodbye to someone or something to protect ourselves.

    I like denial, if you don't say goodbye or you don't have a formal goodbye then things are still open. "Until we meet again..." Its the hardest when you don't know when you will meet again. We've all had to come to terms with loved ones passing away, friends leaving the country or going somewhere where we will not see them, ending relationships with significant others. They all are very similar if you don't have control in your relationship.

    Let me talk about the latter. I don't want to say goodbye, but I don't have control. It's really like, are you willing to live for a dream or are you willing to die for it? (living meaning trying to work through the pain and suffering to see it through if it can be / dying meaning ending it so that the dream can live on in another form)

    You really don't know how far you will go when you know someone you care about needs something from you until you reach that point of no return. I'd be willing to do anything now, before I wasn't so sure I don't think because I wasn't sure what she would do for me. Now I know that it's not a contest or a battle of wills, I would do it because it needed be done, all egos aside.

    The memories sometimes have to get us through things. Moving forward and having faith that things on the horizon aren't bad, but good makes life and everything worthwhile.

    The relationship I knew, might be over. If I could make things work out then I would do it but it doesn't seem like I can do anything more. My relationship was my most prized posession. I think alot of people think of it that way conciously but it is a posession, not the person itself. It's like a plant you can do to much to kill it by showering it with too much of what is good for it. You can also kill it by not cultivating and it doing what is necessary to make it grow. You can also put a plant in a bad environment or a bad time and no matter what do you do it whithers away...

    differences

    the differences between people sometimes seem to the be end of things. End of relationships, the end friendships, then end of partnerships, everything. I know that we all see things differently and I know that we all wish that people would see things our way. But the thing that I am most happy for in my life is meeting people with differences. I gained so man opportunities to grow and change my perception because I got to see something that I had never seen before and never would have gotten the chance to.

    We all have to evolve and we all have to accept others view points. If we are lucky they will change our view points and make us better people. I can say 3 things about myself.

    1: I am stubborn, I am cocky and I love to win and be successful especially when haters can see it. I hate change. I do get bitter but I get determined that is who I am.

    2: I want to be a better person no matter how good or how comfortable I think I am right now. I have a short temper and as my mom tells me, I come on very strong.

    3: I have been changing and I am flexible. I might have written the 10 Amit Commandments yesterday but I will make them 8 on given moment. I am unpredictable and ever-changing and I hope that change is an improvement.

    I know some people hate me out there for whatever reason or disagree with me. I encourage it because only with great conflict can things change. I forget who said that but since I don't know quote me.

    Thursday, December 07, 2006

    Life's a whore

    That's what my bestfriend told me today.

    The person that I was currently seeing changed our relationship tonight. I still have a very heavy heart but I know that will be ok. It was very intense 4 months but I can say that I was always myself. She's telling me things are different but I don't think they are.

    I've tried to get inside her head to see if I can figure it out. But I know she's scared and I know that she really, really cares about me. I know how I feel and I know that, that isn't going to change right now. That's what makes this so hard for me. I don't usually open up like this and I don't make strong connections.

    Everything was good Monday, Tuesday things were discussed. Thursday the train wrecked. I am a fighter and a scrapper and I will do anything for her. But out of respect to her I am going to do anything right now.

    Changes were made and I had no control over them. My heart tells me one thing and her head says something else, but her heart isn't decided? Does that mean that she is right or I am right? Can we both be right?

    I wish I could go back and fix all the things that I've done wrong and fix them now. Would it even matter now?

    Thursday, November 30, 2006

    late turkey day post

    Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. First of all it lasts like 4 days. It's all about family, football, food, partying, and shopping. I looove it. The weather is cold but not unbearable back in AZ and most of my friends are back home.

    Turkey Bowl is always fun. We play football, 2 hand touch, just because we're not as resilient as we used to be physically. My body was aching 3 days after the big game. It was unanimous, Ravi was the MVP. He made an incredible play on sure touchdown I had. He came out of nowhere and intercepted it from me.

    First and last time I do the shopping at 5AM deal. My brother and I had to split up and ofcourse he couldn't come through on his own to get the stuff we wanted. I got the TUVO and bluetooth but he couldnt get the LCD tv.

    Can't wait till next year. Xmas obviously really means nothing to me personally, except time off. Also, NYE is the biggest fraud holiday. Everyone wants to be somewhere amazing, clubs, venues, everybody extorts it by raising the prices by a ridiculous amount and it's basically the same as any other party. I can't get into it like I used to. I've done Times' Square, Goa, and Vegas and I'm not impressed.

    Wednesday, November 29, 2006

    FOBs

    I'd hate to go all Michael Richards in my blog, but I just need a minute to vent my observations. So sad because I am the biggest Seinfeld fan and K-K-Kramer was my favorite character. I have serious hesitations to buy the remaining seasons of Seinfeld on DVD without a sufficient apology from Richards. Now he went off on Jews too and backed up it by saying he himself was Jewish. Whatever man, just shut your mouth, stay out of the public eye and maybe you can bounce back like Mel Gibson.

    Anyways, I am from India so I will use Richards' reasoning here to make these stereotypes. Why are FOBs so annoying? If you have to provide customer service to FOBs in any capacity be prepared to build a tolerance level up. These people can not be satisfied. They will penny pinch you until your exhausted and then they will claim that their expectations were not met. WHAT??!?! Dude, what the hell world do you live in where you get it your way on every single thing. When you buy something there is a risk that you take. That's it.

    When I was in line on Thanksgiving Day at CompUSA, I couldn't help but notice the 1000s of FOBs in line. Saving money and finding great deals is a virtue, but being cheap is not. And get some proper deoderant, bro, goddamn!!!

    Look, I'm not sitting on a high-horse looking down on these people. I get the same treatment on the other end when I visit my homeland, India. But when I go there, or any other country OR culture I assimilate, like most people do. That's all I want is some understanding. Just because we are both brown doesn't mean I'm going to hook you up. Because if the roles were reversed I wouldn't expect that treatment, because of the same reason. In fact, I avoid doing business with Indians in general because of the cheapness. It's in the genetic makeup.

    There was alot more I wanted to let out here but I just lost momentum there is still work that needs to be done today!

    Thursday, November 16, 2006

    web design

    I was trying to come up with a new design for www.mumbaientertainment.net, my promotions website... Damn its hard. I know basic html and i understand how everything works. But the problem is the idea in your head and what you try to put in dreamweaver or frontpage. And then its not an absolute thing, the idea that you have in your head isn't even the best look for it.

    I can developm the content, I know what I want for the site but I just can't implement by myself. That sux. If anyone wants to do it for free you'll get a lifetime comp to any event I do.

    Some of us are artists, mathmeticians, engineers, performers, and some of us bring these people and make something special.

    Tuesday, November 14, 2006

    The Tumble

    This is an essay I wrote my freshman year in college. Its funny because it's a true story and also because I sucked at writing back then. But I wanted to share this....

    The Tumble

    One event that I can remember that has had a significant impact on who I am today is when my friend, Pankaj, and I rolled down the side of an empty canal on his All Terrain Vehicle. Let me point one thing out first of all; riding an ATV can be dangerous, but riding and ATV with another person when it is meant for one and neither one of us was wearing a helmet is insane. Our dangerous driving habits would catch up to us and we would have to face the price for taking such risks.
    My life-long friend and I were very naughty kids growing up with lenient parents who really didn’t discipline us the way we should have been. I can’t even think back to when I didn’t know Punk. That’s what I called Pankaj. We’ve been tight since the beginning but we never been put in a situation where we could be severely injured, or even die up until this point in our lives.
    Pankaj was 10 and I was 11 years old. We had been riding the ATV ever since Punk got it on his tenth birthday back in the summer. At first we drove the ATV around on the undeveloped areas of desert around his home in Scottsdale, Arizona, but then that got boring. We started driving it on the residential roads in his neighborhood and in the irrigation canals that in Arizona usually don’t have water in them, but thick weeds and brush and an occasional tree. One cool, spring morning when I slept over at his house, we woke up at six in the morning. The Arizona sun was just coming up and we agreed that it was a great day to go riding.
    We drove around the neighborhood a little bit and that’s when we started getting wild. A new housing development was going up near Punk’s house, but in the same residential zone. It was just a left turn away so Punk made it. As were driving along we noticed a small, grassy opening between two houses leading to a golf course. Since the opportunity arose we decided to take advantage of it. We drove across the fairway looking for a place to do jumps off of. So we started driving in the bunkers and up hills and on the green with no respect or concern for getting in trouble.
    Then, it was my turn to drive and I drove around looking for crazy things to jump off with the ATV. The freshly cut grass was flying around underneath the wheels and covered us unknowingly. The inundated rough was drenched in water from last week’s rainstorm and we could feel it moistening our legs as we cruised through. On our
    way across one hole I saw another canal. The steep cement walls were just craving for us to conquer them. I put the ATV in first gear and went up the side of the wall at an angle with more speed than I needed to. I could feel Punk’s grip tighten around my waist because of the incline of the cement. As we hit the top of the wall the terrain changed drastically to big dirt mounds. As I swerved to avoid the dirt mounds I overcorrected to the left and almost went down the side of the canal. I overcorrected to the right then and almost went straight in to a ditch. My inexperience was scaring me. I corrected back and we ended on the edge of the cement and the ditch.
    At this point all we were trying to do keep our balance so we wouldn’t fall down the side of the hill since we were perpendicular to it. The only thing going through my mind was not to break any bones. I had just recently got my wrist out of a cast and I did not want to get it put in another one. I also didn’t want to put my parents through all that again. How would I explain it to my mom? What would I tell my friends? All I could think is how stupid of an explanation I would give them. That moment seemed like an eternity, especially since the hot sun had brought itself up to sting my skin. Punk and I were on the same wavelength as usual; don’t fall. The ATV weighed at least two hundred pounds. All we could use to keep steady was our scrawny pre-pubescent legs.
    As I looked down at our possible fall, I saw a tree right in the way of our path. The ATV was stopped for some reason; maybe I hit the brakes in a panic. We slowly gave way and I put my arm out to brace the fall. As I rolled I could feel the weight of Punk and ATV on my chest. It was like all the air had escaped my lungs. I landed at the base of the tree as we tumbled down. Punk went “down with the ship” so to speak. He held on to the ATV and went all the way down the hill. Even though I didn’t go all the way down the hill I landed in a bed of rocks underneath the tree so we were both pretty hurt. The first thing I did when the tumble was over was to check and see if my arm was broken again. I picked it up and looked at it just like when I broke it in the second grade. Thank God it wasn’t. Then, I looked at Punk to see if he was ok. He said he hurt his leg. He limped over to ATV which was turned over. It seemed all right but the plastic cover was twisted and torn. I remember him asking me, “Why did you do that, man?”
    “I lost control!” I told him. I did lose control. One moment everything was under control and the next it wasn’t. I thought I had the situation handled but one mistake and it was out my hands. I guess that’s how life is. One minute you can be in total control then when the risks catch up to you everything falls apart. So now the idea is to avoid risks where the consequence is greater than the positive outcome. I learned a valuable lesson
    that day. I was disadvantaged because I was making choices without thinking them through. After the tumble I slowed down with the daredevil stuff and still had as much fun. It’s all right to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. Now I feel like the tumble was my way of realizing that you can get a rush from some things but its not worth the pain and suffering if something goes wrong.

    Tuesday, October 31, 2006

    halloween

    Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year. When else can normal girls dress slutty and it is perfectly acceptable. I know that's one of the things I look forward to every year. Every guy I talked to always remembers a costume or 2 where they reminisce as if they are talking about the "good ole days" or something.

    Memo to guys - where an interesting costume and girls will approach you. One of the few times of the year where meeting women should not be a problem. Last Saturday I wore an Amare Stoudamire jersey. 2 girls told me they love Steve Nash and another asked me (with my fro'ed out hair) if I was supposed to be Rick Fox in an Amare Stoudamire jersey. I would normally take that as insult since he's a former Laker but he's also a former model.

    As kids we enjoy Haloween but as adults there's another level of appreciation. For instance, we're not dressed by our parents so no more stupid polyester costumes with plastic masks that have the elastic band that burns behind your ears. We can spend more money on costumes and dress up as something you've always wanted to be, such as a Jedi Knight, or Jack from Jack in the Box.

    Next year Anthony and I have decided that we are going as the ghostbusters. It will be a coin flip between Anthony and I for who will be Winston, but we already agreed that 2 of our other friends will be part of it. We are going to make our own proton packs and i figured out an ingenious way to incoporate slimer. Get a helium baloon, green, and draw a face and attach arms and a tongue to it and tie to one our persons.

    I love scaring people on Haloween too. Tonight is going to be fun. The Suns are playing the Lakers and the freaks will be out!

    Thursday, October 26, 2006

    basketball

    Is it just me or was Miami the worst champion team we've seen in a long, long time? Dwayne Wade carried the team and Shaq was basically a non-factor. The Pistons and Mavericks laid down for the Heat last year and they stepped up and took it from them, straight up.

    And now they are favored to repeat? These supposed basketball geniuses aren't doing their homework. This team is old, they had an easy run to the finals, last year. It's definitely going to be harder this year with the emergence of the Cavaliers, Bulls, and Pacers.. not to mention the Pistons.

    And now all these teams are trying to change their style, play faster, play smaller, play like the Suns. I think it's great for the league and great for the fans. But I don't think that these other teams have the talent the Suns have to play that style consistently.

    This is the year that all Suns have been waiting for. We're all patiently waiting for Amare's knees to recover fully. At the same time we want to watch Nash and the rest of the team play our style and win games and find a defensive balance with offensive juggernaut that exists already.

    Hopes are high so the disappointment will be very, very bitter.

    Tuesday, October 24, 2006

    my business

    I'm in the business of organizing people and getting things done. It's that simple. Some people might see that as very vague or almost stupid. Call it want you want but the most successful I have been blessed to influence me have all told me that they were in this business as well. They never thought of the themselves as the smartest person or anything like that.

    They knew that people had to help them. They needed other people's expertise to make their dreams come true. I think of myself in the same way. There is no such thing as a self-made man. Someone has to teach you, someone has to buy from you.

    That being said, people look at the major accomplishments but don't see the real elements there that helped create them. I can give an obvious example from my own life. I didn't create Sunsetronics. In fact, I came in after the business was semi-established. But I did initiate www.sunsetronics.com's creation. I lead this project by organizing our skills and people and utilzing untapped resources.

    But why would I tell you this now? I think I'm telling myself. Once a day I try to refocus what my goals are and what I'm good at and what I'm not good at. My productivity is tied directly to my motivation. My biggest motivations are to prove people wrong, to prove to everyone and myself that I AM THAT DAMN GOOD, and after doing that my motivation moves to maintaining that status. I mean you want to do good things that people will admire. I also want to make lots of money and get the recognition that I feel I deserve. But it is very important to do it the right way and on my terms. I've seen what the opposite can do to people.

    Thursday, October 19, 2006

    Akeim Kelly is trash

    Akeim Kelly, a guy who hired my consultancy to do his business plan for his production company screwed me over. He hired me and then found funding for his production company and then said he no longer needed my services. Rather than give me the amount due and be fair even though I was out 2 grand, he said he would rather give me $500. I wanted to take legal action but my friends told me not waste my time because these legal preceedings are too much for me to handle what with my schedule and other things.

    The scary part is he works with kids. www.la-sportskidz.com. He is putting together 3 televisions shows where he's the host. First of all what kind of message is this guy sending? He's letting his bigass ego get in the way of what he built up from doing good in the community and that is why he will fail.

    Next, he's not good enough to be on 3 TV shows. He just doesn't have that kind of personality. As a consultant you can't tell someone you don't think there business is not going to reach the potential that think it's capable of. But I can say now if we see this TV show on the air I will be pretty suprised. We had 2 ex-football players that were just like his personality and they couldn't cut it on our show Cars 101.

    Eh...

    Thursday, October 12, 2006

    Dating Non-indians

    I had a conversation with a friend of mine who self-admittedly told me she doesn't really fit into the Indian scene. That's a whole nother topic (word/phrase?) to delve into but it came in realm of her finding a guy, or dating a guy. She feels that Indians in groups or Indians hang with just Indians are not open-minded. I disagree I think that they are similar minded. The same way we hang out with people that have similar interests and are similar in other ares. For instance, I don't really hang out with alot of convservative Republican people and that is not a coincidence.

    I think that when you date someone you have to think about where it's going and what the objective is. When I date girls that aren't Indian I know in my heart that it can only go so far. It took me a long time to realize that but and I feel bad because in a way I led on some people I think. But some girls knew before I knew and they ended things with me.

    It's funny because most girls complain to me how Indians guys dont treat them well. They follow that up with how a white guy made them feel special with some gesture, however trite and conventional it was. Indian guys don't come mature. In fact, we take longer than the rest of our species.

    I feel for Indian girls because I know that the pickin's are slim especially when you get to that age. I encourage you though to comprimise and open your mind. Sticking to a dream or a vision in your head of what you imagined as a partner, that has to be something that can shift.

    We have to carry out our family traditions and values otherwise they will fade away. It's what makes us special in America. I'll write more on this later.

    Tuesday, September 26, 2006

    growing wiser...

    Well my 25th Birthday approaching this weekend. There's a few things I've realized about this silver anniversary. I'm alot wiser but and I can feel my body aging too. I can't party like I used to and my body needs alot more rest than it used to. I've noticed just by hanging out with my friends how I'm still young at heart. Last weekend at Cameron's house we did exactly what we used to during the weekdays in college my freshman year. We played video games, talked shit about people, made fun of each other, made stupid bets on sporting events, and had fun without thinking too hard.

    Don't get me wrong, I've grown tremendously since my last birthday party and I've learned more than my share over the last 25 years. But there's so much more to learn and experience that I hope I get the opportunity over a long life.

    Things change and circumstances never stay the same. I like to take things one day at a time and make sure that I make the most out of every week. I try to stay immature. That sounds foolish but because I'm immature and childish at times I can relate to anyone younger than me. Whether it be the 18 year old kids I play basketball with or hanging out with my 15 year old brother and his friends. Either way, life is good and I hesitantly say bring on 26; I'm gonna make this the best year yet.

    Tuesday, September 19, 2006

    The more we try to live happily ever after, the more we're disappointed...cuz shit happens, and that's life. But if you can live with disaapointment and tragedies and still live your life as to be rewarding then you've got your happy ending.

    Friday, September 15, 2006

    new post for my loyal audience

    I've been told by a good friend that I'm not blogging enough. It's nice to know that someone wants to know what the hell im thinking even if it poses no value to society. Well this one is for you!

    Sunday, September 03, 2006

    It was bound to happen

    Below is an article about the death of Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter. The way this guy wrecklessly approached animals and handled them I knew this was going to happen. Don't get it twisted though, I loved the Crocodile Hunter. I even watched the documentary of when he almost died from a croc getting a good chunk out of his leg a few years ago.

    But isn't it more than a coincidence that this fool died from an aggavated animal attacking him?! I love animals and I love the preservation of animals. But people who mess with animals gets what they're looking for when they mess with them or try to interact with them too much. I'm one of those guys too... When I was small I got bit by a gerbel in daycare because I was messing with it. I got bit on the tip of my nose.

    Animals don't know better and they don't have judgement, they have instincts. I watch "When Animals Attack" and I laugh. Because those people still haven't figured it out or they think that nothing bad is going to happen when you mess with mother nature.

    I watched and read a little bit about this guy who used to up to Alaska in a bear reservation park. Needless to say he and his girlfriend were mauled to death by one of the bears that he wasn't as close with apparently. I mean there is video footage of this guy coming right up to these bears, even feeding them and petting them. He would even swim with them. If you want to read about it here's the link.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Treadwell

    Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin killed

    BRISBANE, Australia - Steve Irwin, the Australian television personality and environmentalist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray during a diving expedition, Australian media said. He was 44.
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Irwin was filming an underwater documentary on the Great Barrier Reef in northeastern Queensland state when the accident occurred, Sydney's The Daily Telegraph newspaper reported on its Web site.

    The Australian Broadcasting Corp. said Irwin was diving near Low Isles near the resort town of Port Douglas, about 1,260 miles north of Brisbane.

    A helicopter carrying paramedics flew to the island, but he died from a stingray barb to the heart, ABC reported on its Web site.

    Telephone calls to Australia Zoo, Irwin's zoo in southern Queensland, were not immediately answered.

    Irwin is famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter," which was first broadcast in Australia in 1992 and has aired around the world on the Discovery channel.

    He rode his image into a feature film, and developed the Australia Zoo as a tourist attraction.

    Irwin had received some negative publicity in recent years. In January 2004, he stunned onlookers at his Australia Zoo reptile park by carrying his 1-year-old son into a crocodile pen during a wildlife show. He tucked the infant under one arm while tossing the 13-foot reptile a piece of meat with the other.

    Authorities declined to charge Irwin for violating safety regulations.

    Later that year, he was accused of getting too close to penguins, a seal and humpback whales in Antarctica while making a documentary. Irwin denied any wrongdoing, and an Australian Environment Department investigation recommended no action be taken against him.

    Reality TV

    I love reality television. It has gotten out of hand and it seems like I'm the only asshole that doesn't have one right now. But these shows are either really engaging or really funny. Here are a few shows that I think are really good:

    - The Contender - ESPN, its the second version of the first contender with sylverster stallone, very Rocky-esque shows the persistence and determination of almost, almost desperate men. Not to mention for some reason, even boxers with no game or money seem to have ridiculously hot wives and girlfriends.

    - Two A DAys - MTV, about Hoover High school football, a national powerhouse. I like seeing how these high school kids deal with the pressures of big time football.

    - Surreal Life - too funny, pretty much anything on E! is entertaining. I love the Simple Life 2.

    The beauty about these shows is you can take any sort of premise and drop in a interesting personality and people will watch. The production costs are minimal, and its spontaneaous and unpredictable... to a certain degree.

    People got sick of trying to relate characters they've seen before in scenarios that are boring with scripts that are predictable. That's SitComs, think about TV Dramas. Nowadays they have to be so outrageous that even though they're not believable we want to follow them. i.e. NipTuck, The OC, and it goes on.

    Thursday, August 31, 2006

    smoking weed

    I'm putting this post here for a particular little person who doesn't understand that weed is ok. If does have its medicinal uses which are beneficial to all mankind but I can understand when she says smoking it for recreational use is bad. It's illegal but where are the morals. Is it right or is it wrong?

    According to Men's Health (self-explanatory magazine title which it's best interests are for its subscribers):


    Are you sick of hearing your girlfriend nagging you about letting go of your pot pasttime? Have you been hearing a lot of negative things about the use of marijuana lately? Would you like to know what the real deal is behind the use of this infamous drug? Then read on because you're in for a surprise.

    One of the saddest things in North America is the lack of clinical trials on marijuana use. Many other countries in the world have already performed such tests in order to destroy myths about this drug, which has been in use for thousands of years... mainly for medicinal purposes.

    The data from previous studies, published in numerous books and scholarly journals, covered such matters as marijuana's effects on the brain, lungs, immune and reproductive systems; its impact on personality, developmental and motivational states; and its addictive potential.

    Although these studies did not answer all remaining questions about marijuana toxicity, they generally supported the idea that marijuana was a relatively safe drug -- not totally free from potential harm, but unlikely to create serious harm for most individual users or society.

    The following list will hopefully demystify several myths about marijuana use and help answer a lot of serious questions:

    Marijuana Overdose
    There is no existing evidence of anyone dying of a marijuana overdose. Tests performed on mice have shown that the ratio of cannabinoids (the chemicals in marijuana that make you high) necessary for overdose to the amount necessary for intoxication is 40,000:1.

    For comparison's sake, that ratio for alcohol is generally between 4:1 and 10:1. Alcohol overdoses claim approximately 5,000 casualties yearly, but marijuana overdoses kill no one as far as any official reports.

    Brain Damage
    Marijuana is psychoactive because it stimulates certain brain receptors, but it does not produce toxins that kill them (like alcohol), and it does not wear them out as other drugs may. There is no evidence that marijuana use causes brain damage. Studies performed on actual human populations will confirm these results, even for chronic marijuana users (up to 18 joints per day) after many years of use.

    In fact, following the publication of two 1977 JAMA studies, the American Medical Association (AMA) officially announced its support for the decriminalization of marijuana.

    In reality, marijuana has the effect of slightly increasing alpha-wave activity in your brain. Alpha waves are generally associated with meditative and relaxed states, which are, in turn, often associated with human creativity.

    Memory
    Marijuana does impair short-term memory, but only during intoxication. Although the authoritative studies on marijuana use seem to agree that there is no residual impairment following intoxication, persistent impairment of short-term memory has been noted in chronic marijuana smokers, up to 6 and 12 weeks following abstinence.

    What other myths have been going around about smoking a doobie ?

    Heart Problems
    It is accepted in medical circles today that marijuana use causes no evident long-term cardiovascular problems for normal persons. Marijuana smoking, however, does cause changes in the heart and body's circulation characteristic of stress, which may complicate preexisting cardiovascular problems like hypertension, cerebrovascular disease, and coronary atherosclerosis. Marijuana's effects on blood pressure are complex and inconsistent as of yet.

    Hormones
    Chronic marijuana use has not been found to alter testosterone or other sex hormone levels. In contrast, heavy alcohol use is known to lower these same testosterone levels.

    Reproductive Damage
    No trustworthy study has ever shown that marijuana use damages the reproductive system, or causes chromosome breakage. Studies of actual human populations have failed to demonstrate that marijuana adversely affects the reproductive system. Claims that marijuana use may impair hormone production, menstrual cycles, or fertility in females are both unproven and unfounded.

    The Immune System
    Studies in which lab rats were injected with extremely large quantities of THC (the active compound in marijuana) have found that marijuana (in such unrealistically huge quantities) does have an "immunosuppressive effect" in those lab rats, in that it temporarily shuts off certain cells in the liver called lymphocytes and macrophages. These macrophages are useful in fighting off bacterial, not viral, infections.

    But this is only for the duration of intoxication. There also exists some evidence that marijuana metabolites remain in the lungs for up to seven months after smoking has ceased, possibly affecting the immune system of the lungs (but not by turning the cells off).

    This said, doctors and researchers are still not sure that the immune system is actually negatively affected in realistic situations since there are no numbers to support the idea. In fact, three studies showed that THC might have actually stimulated the immune system in the people studied.

    Cancer
    Smoking marijuana has the potential to cause both bronchitis and cancer of the lungs, throat, and neck, but this is generally no different than inhaling any other burnt carbon-containing matter since they all increase the number of lesions (and therefore possible infections) in your airways.

    The Gateway Effect
    Marijuana use has not been found to act as a gateway drug to the use of harder drugs. Studies show that when the Dutch partially legalized marijuana in the 70's, heroin and cocaine use substantially declined, despite a slight increase in marijuana use.

    If the stepping stone theory were true, use should have gone up rather than down. In reality, it appears that marijuana use tends to substitute for the use of relatively more dangerous hard drugs like cocaine and heroin, rather than lead to their use.

    Thus, oftentimes strict marijuana laws themselves are the most significant factor involved in moving on to harder drugs like cocaine. Such is the case in Nevada and Arizona, the states toughest on marijuana use.

    the potential benefits

    # Because smoked marijuana contains a variety of combustion compounds, it can damage the lungs and possibly the immune system. Several health committees recommended the development of an inhalation device that delivers pure THC -- the active ingredient in marijuana -- to the lungs. Such a device has not yet been created.

    # There is some evidence -- but no scientifically valid studies -- that marijuana is useful in treating some forms of epilepsy and spasticity caused by multiple sclerosis.

    # Some studies show that smoked marijuana is effective for some patients in relieving nausea caused by cancer and chemotherapy.

    # There is evidence that marijuana may improve the appetite and help patients gain weight. This could be lifesaving for AIDS patients who develop wasting , a severe weight-loss condition.

    # Smoking marijuana is effective in lowering pressure inside the eyeballs of some patients with glaucoma. A word of caution, however: the drug also drops blood pressure, and this could compromise blood flow to the optic nerve and damage vision.

    So there you have it. For additional information on the benefits of marijuana, I highly recommend the book The Benefits of Marijuana : Physical, Psychological, and Spiritual by Joan Bello.

    Monday, August 28, 2006

    1. Yourself: authentic

    2. Your Bedroom: decent

    3. Your hair: amazing

    4. Your Mother: ma

    5. Your Father: stubborn

    6. Your Favorite Item: nextel

    7. Your dream last night: weak

    8. Your Favorite Drink: questionable

    9. Your Dream Home: tempe

    10. The Room You Are In: open

    11. Your Ex: over

    12. Your fear: unfulfilled

    13. Where you Want to be in Ten Years: bliss

    14. Who you hung out with last night: laptop

    15. What You're Not: monkey

    16. Your Best Friend on Myspace: daisy

    17. One of Your Wish List Items: ticket

    18. Your Gender: male

    19. The Last Thing You Did: breathe

    20. What You Are Wearing: shorts

    21. Your Favorite Weather: spring

    22. Your Favorite Magazine: maxim

    23. The Last Thing You Ate: taquitos

    24. Your Life: improving

    25. Your Mood: eager

    27. What are you thinking about right now: tommorrow

    28. Work: reality

    29. Your Fav. food: pizza

    30. Your skin tone: brown

    31. Myspace: addictive

    32. School: OVER

    33. What do you drive: galant

    Friday, August 25, 2006

    what the eff??

    This is an observation I've noticed that happens to men in relationships. It makes you wonder what's going on, what are you doing in a relationship? Any guy who is in relationship or has been in a relationship knows this. Girls somehow can sense that a guy is taken and something goes off in their mind. Now this isn't all girls... And it will be some girls who the guy might have even asked out before who rejected him who now all of a sudden have found interest in said guy. Somehow the guy becomes way more attractive then he was when he was single and now girls want to tell him so in their own way.

    I guess you always want what you can't have. And the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm wondering if girls go through the same thing. The same thing meaning that all of a sudden you have so many options IF you were single. Ones that didn't present themselves when you were single.

    Thats whats good about single life, the flexibility, the freedom, the choices that you can make without thinking about someone. But you do have to think about yourself and sometimes thats even harder.

    Sometimes I see my friends, couples. I hang out with them and I think to myself, why do I want that? It seems so boring and conventional. But on the surface thats it looks like. You can't look at someone's life or a observe someone and say you know enough to make a judgement.

    But as wonderful as it is to be single, and pretty eligble I would say, it's not perfect. It's incredible to have choices, but its even more amazing to be chosen...

    Monday, August 21, 2006

    Paryushan

    This month, Jains are celebrating Paryushan, a week long holiday to remind them of the principles of their faith. I'm Jim Metzner, and this is the Pulse of the Planet, presented by the American Museum of Natural History.

    During Paryushan, Jains pay homage to their leaders of the past who have achieved a kind of spiritual purity. For seven days, they'll strive to remember and practice the doctrines of their faith, including non-violence, a non-attachment to the material world, and a belief that every living thing has a soul and spirit.

    "'Paryu' means the soul or the spirit, and 'ashan' means to connect your self to your spirit and establish yourself into spirit." Jayant Desai is a Jain living in Queens, New York.
    -------------------------------------------------


    It means I have to give up certain things that we take for granted without even thinking about it. My case, even though I make it special for myself is special. Problem is this week even though we all have our exceptions, still have only have this week to sacrifice.

    In all religions self-sacrifice brings us closer to God. So for the next 8 days - no alcohol, no mushrooms, no onions, potatoes, or carrots. No ahem.. sex in any form. No eating after dark. And a bunch of other stuff that will be decided later or that has been left out because theres alot. Truthfully, every year I don't take it as serious as a lot of devout Jains do. I take it as Catholics view lent and I give up one thing. This year I feel like Jainism has come along way with me and even though I'm conflicted between my beliefs being Jain and Hindu, I will do as much as I can. This is ultimately for me but I can't help but being persuaded. I'm a little scared because I don't want to cave in like I always do when I fast. OYE

    Monday, August 14, 2006

    Words of Encouragement

    Accomplishing great things in life seem so impossible when we make big tasks out of smaller obstacles. It’s important to look back and see what we have accomplished in this life and where we can go. We can do so much without even realizing. Our goals and accomplishments are just smaller tasks broken down into daily victories that we can manage. One cup of coffee at a time, one email, one small risk.

    Wednesday, August 09, 2006

    11 Layers

    ELEVEN LAYERS OF .......

    LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
    Name: A mit like a glove, aka Amit
    Birthdate: 10/1/81
    Current Location: Westchester/Inglewood
    Eye Color: Brown
    Hair Color: Light Black
    Right or Lefty: mostly righty, but im tricky
    Zodiac Sign: Libra to a tee

    LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
    Your heritage: Punjabi Jain and brahmin from Lucknow
    Your fears: heights, venomous insects, thugs with nothing to lose
    Your weaknesses: beautiful womAn, underdogs, my insecurities, curious distractions
    Your perfect pizza: veggie lovers from papajohns, or give me a greasy thin of cheese slice from NY pizza joint
    Goals you'd like to achieve: start my own Management consulting firm within the next 10 years

    LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
    Your thoughts first waking up: what is going on her head???
    Your Bedtime: 2ish, it depends
    Your most missed memory: College life.

    LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK
    Pepsi or Coke: Cherry pepsi
    McDonald's or Burger King: Taco bell
    Single or group dates: single, def single
    Adidas or Nike: Adidas
    Lipton Tea or Nestea: Nestea
    Chocolate or vanilla: French vanilla
    Cappuccino or coffee: caramel frappuccino

    LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
    Smoke: no...
    Cuss: fuck yeah, but i can hold my tongue
    Take a shower: usually twice a day
    Have a crush: sure
    Think you've been in love: yeah
    Like(d) school: yeah, but not a fan of showing my work or citing references
    Want to get married: i hate this question
    Believe in yourself: overall yes
    Think you're a health freak: sorta

    LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
    Gone to the mall: hell yeah, especially in Europe
    Eaten Sushi: pssh, i live in LA, that means yeah
    Been dumped: yeah
    Gone skating: yeah
    Dyed your hair: i could hear my scalp sizzling

    LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
    Played a stripping game: i think so in 3-1-0, but it ended with girls dancing on our dining table
    Changed who you were to fit in: always, im a chamillionaire

    LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD
    Age you're hoping to be married: these questions r making me thirsty

    LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY
    Best eye color: any shade of brown
    Best hair color: dark


    LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING
    1 MINUTE AGO: checking this out http://www.deeplydisturbed.net/img/soap3.jpg
    1 HOUR AGO: working
    1 WEEK AGO: on the fone, im sure
    1 YEAR AGO: living in Culver City, working at LPI and Sunsetronics, busting my ass thru summer courses

    LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE
    I LOVE: finding a cash in my pockets
    I FEEL: procastinating on this gayass CMS paper is going to piss of my group
    I HATE: superficial people with no perspective... not hate just annoyed
    I HIDE: when asked about marriage
    I MISS: the pumpkin, haha
    I NEED: to get some quality interviews

    Thursday, August 03, 2006

    sharing with others

    Our insecurities and vulnerabilities become secrets. We hide behind these masks because we're afraid that once people see these ugly traits, they're going to see us differently. The truth is, they probably do, they see us just like them. I think that we spend a lot of time trying to portray to people who we want them to think we are. So we talk about the things we want people to remember us for and same with our actions. I am guilty just as anyone else, most of this is subconcious I feel. What if we were flipped inside out?? Imagine kids with Tourette syndrome or someone in a wheel chair. Their secret is already out there for everyone to see. They can't hide behind masks.

    Can we look into each other's eys and see our weaknesses?? Can we be more sympathetic to others with no stories told, just from mutual understanding?? Can we give the benefit of the doubt consistently? Remember one thing; you judge yourself before others do and you know what they will say. If you don't show that you are crippled, noone knows that you need support.

    Tuesday, August 01, 2006

    Pathetic Insecurities and Blind Spots

    We call them pathetic insecurities because we want to denegrate them as much as possible for our own betterment. It's crazy how these pathetic insecurities dominate our lives and make us who we are today. We live our lives based on these pathetic insecurities without even knowing.

    My biggest pathetic insecurity is of not being good enough. It comes from my childhood of not performing in school up to my full potential, or atleast what my parents perceived as my full potential. As a result I didn't try very hard and I was afraid of failure. My biggest pathetic insecurity is that I'll never be good enough for what I want in life.

    My other pathetic insecurity is of being a fraud or phony. I was surprised to learn that alot of the game players share this same pathetic insecurity. We feel as though we are not as authentic as we appear to be to others. I feel that sometimes people see me one way and its not really who I am. Meaning I've built myself up as this great entrepreneur and everything but I'm really just not that good, or cool, or interesting as people seem to think I am.

    My blind spot was a very interesting discovery. When I recieve compliments from others I don't accept them graciously. In my mind I think this person is just being nice, this person doesn't see the flaws in me/my work. I also make excuses as to why things didn't come out the way that they should have. So I pick details and downgrade my work and then I make excuses for myself as to why this happened. After this introspective moment I hope that I can watch myself carefully and redefine my life not by these pathetic things but who I REALLY am.

    Friday, July 28, 2006

    comments r open

    At first I wanted to know who was commenting on my page so I can see who it is and who views my page. I've come to find out many people read it and dont even comment but mention stuff to me off-hand. That being said I guess it's kind of spiralled out of control so I'm not gonna stop it! Joller

    Thursday, July 27, 2006

    Before Essay

    The last year has been incredible in so many regards. I’ve shown so much growth in almost all aspects of my life. Body, mind, and soul have not only improved but feel enlightened. This is a transitional year as I am almost finished with my MBA. I’m also taking a lesser role with my company to pursue bigger opportunities. I am moving in mind and physically to a place where positivity is more prevalent and the environment is more nurturing for me to blossom further. I’ve done some great things but I feel that I am ready to jump to the next level…

    Body & Health
    I am in great health and in great physical shape. I’ve been weight training for more than 2 years and playing basketball every week consistently for more than a year. I can maybe gain another pound or two of muscle, but I don’t want to add fat. That being said, I’m cheating. Genetically I was gifted with a thin frame that I could put muscle onto. But I eat a lot of junk food and I don’t do enough to maintain a flat and sculpted stomach. I haven’t had a physical in years and I in the back of my mind it bothers me I don’t know for certain how healthy I am. I haven’t been to the dentist in a similar amount of time and I have the same issue. When I suffer injuries from basketball other aspects of my active lifestyle, I tend to push through at the gym or on the court or in my life. I need to slow down and take better care of myself. It takes patience and the courage to know the truth even if there is nothing there to afraid of.

    Relationships
    Through my affiliations and personal network I have come to know a lot of many great people. I’ve also to come to know a lot of fun people who take up my time. It’s not a bad thing but it keeps me from building relationships or repairing relationships with my “A” people. I need to spend less time with them and spend more meaningful time with the ones that should matter the most to me.

    Work/Business
    I have been extremely productive in the past but at stints, I lose my focus and get sidetracked by people and other activities. I have so many projects going on that the same time that it over commits me. I can’t get give the quality to each project that I need to and if I do then others suffer. I need to refocus and realign my skills and passions to be the most proficient I can be.

    Wednesday, July 26, 2006

    The Game

    So thanks to being offered the opportunity by Dhru to run a 45 day game with my partner for this life-changing experience Nirav (Mofo). I don't want to explain exactly what it is, I'd rather post my journal here and you decide what the game is to me. This is sort of out or order but I'm posting my game, and then I will post my before essay hopefully tomm.

    PURPOSE

    My whole life I’ve been taught to be a Man for Others. Over the past few years I’ve found the hustle of business and the shallow culture that surrounds me has deteriorated this essence of self. It is my goal to maximize my abilities and energy to be a man for others while it benefits me as well. I will let positivism prevail in all circumstances and these the most constructive 45 days of my life.

    Body & Health
    • Increase flexibility while maintaining weight-training program
    • Cut fast food and alcohol consumption and replace with organic foods and juices
    • Get a physical, go to dentist and take care of all ailments
    • Perform 20 minutes of yoga on off-days from the gym
    • Play basketball at least once a week in conjunction with workout regiment
    • Maintain at least 80 grams of protein each day in diet and 3-5 servings of green vegetables
    • Defined 6-pack

    Relationship
    • Maintain relationships through IM chat/phone 1 hour a day
    • Build and cultivate 10 “A” Relationships
    • Make one trip to Arizona to visit family
    • Contact family members that I’m out of touch with (India)

    Work/Business
    • Find new Director of Operations to take over my duties at Sunsetronics
    • Double my production from the first half of this year
    • Find new position with new company as full-time employment
    • Make 1 year plan for Mumbai Entertainment
    • Make 1 year plan with DJ Avalon for non-profit organization
    • Revamp www.azsportstakes.com and get if off the ground and running
    • Make serious head way with nursing agency


    DAILY SCHEDULE

    SAMPLE WEEKLY SCHEDULE

    1:00 AM Bedtime, (contemplate what I do today and how could it be better?)
    1:30 AM Go to sleep with clean slate
    7:45 AM Wake up, shower, pray/rituals
    8:30 AM Partner Call
    8:45 AM Breakfast
    9:00 AM Work/Business/New Ventures
    1:00 PM Lunch
    2:00 PM Personal Emails/Vmails
    3:00 PM Work/Business/New Ventures
    4:00 PM Partner Call
    4:30 PM Gym/Workout
    7:00 PM MBA Project/Class
    10:00 PM Drive Home/Phone calls
    11:00 PM Emails, review work
    11:30 PM Relax/Unwind
    12:30 AM Make plan for tomorrow/ get ready for bed
    1:00 AM Bedtime

    POINTS AND PRIZES

    Gain a Point for;
     Not hitting the snooze button
     Passing on fastfood or an alcoholic beverage
     Going to the gym
     Sticking with my schedule
     Writing in my journal/blog
     Having a meaningful conversation that produces something positive
     Helping someone that needs help

    Lose a Point for;
     Hitting the snooze button
     Eating fastfood or having alcoholic beverages during the week
     Not sticking to my schedule
     For getting distracted or sidetracked throughout my schedule
     Ignoring those who need my help
     Putting my needs ahead of others when it is not necessary
     Dwelling on negative thoughts

    Prizes;

    Long weekend trip anywhere in the US!!

    Consequences;

    An extra 100 sit-ups every time I’m at the gym.
    Trip to Phoenix to strictly clean out garage and closets for parent’s house and put on garage sale.

    Monday, July 24, 2006

    "The Network"

    This was a theory that me and a few friends in college developed that has yet to be disproven. It's called "The Network." It works like this; every girl in the world is networked to every girl in the world. For instance, I won't say names but a buddy from college hooked up with a girl. That girl in turn knew the cousin of a friend of somebody's boyfriend who somehow knew his ex-girlfriend from high school more than 100 miles away from LA. If you don't believe check out Friendster and find a friend who is obscure from your normal group and see how you are connect. You will be surprised. The whole theme of the network is unfortunately you can't keep secrets. The skeletons will find their way out the closet by one person or another. Also, guys, treat ladies right otherwise your operations will be boycotted by females. The network should not be feared it should be respected and used positively. You use the network for endorsements. Don't try and use it to get laid because it might work once or twice but eventually you will get burned as much as you burn others. There will be more on the characteristics on the Network later. I don't why I started to ramble about this now but I always wanted to spread the word about it and also I'm procrastinating on making phone calls for work. blah...

    8 is no infinity

    Thanks for your opinion, it is well respected and definitely considered. Sometimes you just need to here it from somebody else even though you say it to yourself in your head. It's pretty much what consulting is and ironically thats what I want to get into. Now that the circle is complete... haha

    Its funny, actually I wasn't really talking about work in that post, but the possibilities of something else entirely. I don't want to elaborate because it come back and boomerang me in stones.

    As far as my move, im moving to www.themadrid.com

    Moving is the worst experience. This will be my first time using a UHAUL so that should be fun. It's also the first time where I haven't had a couple days to move in ahead of schedule. I also have my party @ The Joint that night too so this is really gonna be hectic. Any volunteers???

    Thursday, July 20, 2006

    I'm moving out bitches!!

    This is a letter that I left on the table for my "housemates." You can get the jist of my living situation since February from this. I think its kinda funny it's gotten to this but its a piece of my life so I'll post it here.

    July 18, 2006

    Donna,

    I know you feel like the one being screwed but I feel the exact same way. This not an attack or anything more than expressing myself without interruption so that you can see my side AND we can work together. As far as me not giving you 60 days I’m sorry about that and I’m sure you probably did say that and it was my negligence to not adhere to that if that is the case. But I did give you more than the customary 30 days, and even if I had given you 60 the same problem that you’re describing would have presented itself. If I gave you 60 days the person that needed a place right away that you told me about still would have to wait to move in regardless if its 60 days or 38 days.
    As far as me saying I would live here for a year, you have to show me that in writing. I would never agree to that for the simple fact that I complete my MBA program at the end of August and my plans were not definite to stay in California, much less the US after that so I would never agree to that. Also, I also mentioned how badly I needed to get out of my current living situation and timing was prioritized. I specifically remember me saying when we met at Coffee Bean that I would be there until the end of Summer and after that I wasn’t sure. I’m only bringing these things up because I feel like it’s important that you see my side and my rationale behind what I am doing right now. I just want things to go as smoothly as possible for all sides.

    If I ‘d known that the parking situation was so difficult when I moved in I would have reconsidered. That’s my fault because I should’ve realized having an office in Beverly Hills how hard the parking is there. With the parking situation the way it is that essentially increased my rent by at least $80 a month because of various parking tickets related to daytime parking. I hope that is helpful for you when you describe the living situation to the next tenant so that they have proper expectations.

    Now this opportunity to move in with family has presented itself, albeit in untimely manner and I’m in a position where I have to do this. I understand you want to clean the room up before the next person comes in. I also understand that me keeping my quarters clean enhances the perception of the overall apartment when you are trying to find a replacement. You haven’t given me a heads up as to when people are dropping by so I can get the place ready which I have no problem at all doing. I want to help you guys out as much as I can. Truthfully, I can vacuum and dust, which I have done since I spoke to you on Monday night, but that doesn’t hide the stains in the carpet that were there before I moved in or the markings on the wall which were also there before I moved in. The room was relatively clean when I moved in, but obviously it needed carpet and paint as well as the rest of the apartment. I’m not trying to say anything negative here I’m just pointing out facts. I really hope that no one was deterred from moving in from the way I live, but it’s the overall apartment they are looking at.

    Basically, for me to move out by the 25th I have to change all of my plans to live with my cousin and find a place before then, because I have no where else to go. You came to me a week before you wanted me gone and I don’t see that as being very fair, especially since I’ve already paid rent until the end of the month. I know you said to plan to clean the place in that week’s period of time, but I was never given the benefit of that before I moved in so I’m curious as to why that needs to be done now. Like you said, renting rooms is different and people can move in much quicker then someone looking for an apartment. I am aggressively looking for a place and trying to be accommodating as possible here. If I’m able to work something out with the place I’m moving to then it will be done otherwise August 1st I’ve always stated when asked. I know there are conflicting sides here and I hope that we can work these out together. I just wanted you to see things from my perspective and I definitely want to hear more about yours as well. Thanks for listening. I will be back tonight after 10PM.


    Sincerely,

    Amit

    Wednesday, July 12, 2006

    Making Decisions

    Making decisions that can possibly alter your life are definitely not my forte. In fact, I am so bad at making touch choices that I usually wait and don't make them until everything blows up like the Death Star. I over commit and then I don't decide between conflicting things. If it's still unclear let me put it this way. It's taken me way too long to decided between all my entrepreneurial endeavors and taking a temporary corporate position so I can get my next business off the ground I haven't done anything really to say I've made a turn one way or another.

    It's hard for me to leave the businesses and things I've been working on for the past few years. When I finally make a decision something comes to alter my course of thinking and prolong the decision making process.

    On another note, how does one make a decision between 2 possibly wonderful opportunities? Both are amazing and the only way to decide is a matter of taste. But I can't decide. OY, I don't know what to do. I keep hoping the decision will become obvious but I knowing how things go, I assume I won't have a choice in the matter.

    Thursday, July 06, 2006

    YJA 2006

    REMIX!!

    I have to say that was definitely the remix of YJA. My first time on the committee and it was such an awesome experience. I got to work with some wonderful people and made some life-long friendships. I got the opportunity to network for future endeavors and I also felt part of something unique in this world. I always worry about the future of our Jain community but I know now that our cup is overflowing with talent in all aspects. I think the moral fiber that bonds us will be strong atleast through the next couple generations as we get older and we take over the roles as leaders in the communities that our moms and dads have. I can see it already. In fact, there is a strong possibility that this might not be my last convention… I had such a rewarding experience I feel like I want to bring YJA to PHX and represent my Jain community.

    Its always tough to leave when your having such a good time and you know that people you met you might not get the chance to see them again soon, if not ever again. I feel like I’ve built a place in this community now as a leader and people younger and older will look to me continue to make an impact. I love it, considering I always felt like an outsider. And this trip has been great. I actually did a free fall ride at MGM in Orlando (my fear of heights has not allowed me to partake in such rides/activities). Hanging out with Arvind in NY was tight as well. NY isn’t as intimidating as I remembered it to be but I was younger all the other times I went. It was nice to see friends and catch up and spend some quality time with my family.

    If you ever go to DisneyWorld make sure you go on the Rock and Roller coaster ride at MGM studios. Zero to 60MPH to in 2.2 seconds, faster than any production automobile. And the spaceship Mars thing was sick at Epcot. I almost threw up from the g-forces, you actually feel like you’re in in a ship headed to space. My parents are both crazy, my brother will never accept losing to me at anything and I love the West Coast. WESTSIDERRRRRRR RIDERRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSS!!!!

    Tuesday, June 27, 2006

    whoah!

    people actually read this and leave comments, i didn't even realize it!

    that makes me want to write even more rubbish, haha

    thanks

    Saturday, June 24, 2006

    my NBA post-season breakdown

    The Heat have to be the worst champion I've seen since I've watched the NBA. It's nothing against Flash Wade, I've been calling him baby Jordan since I saw him get Marquette to the Final 4 a few years ago. He just has to stay healthy. But Shaq is a shell of his former dominant self. All these other scrubs on team like Walker, Payton, White Chocalate, they're rubbish. The Heat are boring and they remind me of 90's basketball when it was predictable, physical, slow-paced. The league has come so far and teams like the Mavericks and the Suns have brought back fun and more positive energy the game has been missing.

    So here are some of my predictions:


    Suns are the favorite to win the championship next year. The experience, depth, and the return of Amare Stoudamire is set this team up for a run to the Finals. They played their style in the playoffs with an injured team and got within 2 games of the Finals. If Raja Bell was healthy the Suns would've forced a game 7 against the Mavs.

    Lebron James will win a Championship soon! That guy is in another class. He is one of those guys that's doing stuff never been one before and once he gets that experience he will do something similar to what Flash Wade did.

    Speaking of guys who've never done something ever done before, Steve Nash. He will not win an MVP trophy this year. But he will continue to do what makes him one of the top 5 PG I've seen play; his entire game is predicated on the success of his teammates. He senses what his team needs and gives whatever he's got.

    Barring any trades and any big shake ups here are the teams to watch.

    The Suns obviously - the most entertaining team in the world
    The Mavs - theyre will be just as good as they were this year, they can only go as far as Irk can carry them. Irk needs to man up and take the big shots rather than defer to Jason Terry or anyone else. Sad this is their coach is the most mentally tough on on their team.
    The Bulls - they play on the perimeter with a relentless style similar to the Suns. I love Heinrick and Nocioni.
    The Spurs - they historically do not defend their titles well so they were going to lose based on that I thought. They'll be back strong again as soona s they find someone to replace their center Mohammed.
    The Cavs - they got the King James factors
    Pistons - as long as they have Chauncey Billups they got one of the most mentally tough players in the league.
    The Wiz - Gilbert Arenas is sick and they have a fun up-tempo style, just no defense

    The ROY of the year is going to be Adam Morrison or Brandon Roy.

    euro pics

    http://community.webshots.com/user/amitjain480

    i still need to get a hold of about 4 gigs of pics from different people. i love going back thru these pics, it was an overdose of fun

    Tuesday, June 20, 2006

    A fun little game

    This is for all you desi girls and guys out there. I think this is prety accurate but take from it what you want. I was talking to my mom, she was telling me to find a girl to get married. That's an entirely separate issue that I'll talk about someday just for the sake of those who are trying to find someone. Its not as easy as you think after you look at this:

    300,000,000 people living in US (We'll exclude other countries right now)

    Rounding up and using optimism 2% of the population is of Indian Heritage – 6 million (I looked it up)

    Of that 50% is male – 3 million

    Eliminate all people not in your age range, say 1 in every 6 – 500,000

    Of that Say that You are attracted to only 2 out of 5 – 200,000

    Say that 1 in every 3 is in a relationship already – 66,000

    Say only 2 in 5 is attracted to you – 26,400

    That’s nationwide… say 1 in 6 either lives near u or is willing to move – 4400

    Now you can take it further and eliminate if you live in a remote area, or if you include religious/background conflicts.

    So what is the point in the end?? Its pretty tough, dont be so picky... easier said than done for me, if I was really looking.

    Can I go back to Europe??

    I had very limited responsibilities, carefree and being myself all the time. I knew my life was hella stressful, but it never ceases. I think I'm stretched way too thin with too many projects and too many things looming always.

    It's time to simplify...

    Wednesday, June 14, 2006

    silly girls

    Of all the girls I've talked to in my life that have grown up here in the US, about 1 out of every 2 say that there favorite movie is Pretty Woman. The other 50% say Dirty Dancing. If I'm wrong prove me so. Those are pretty good movies but seriously?? I don't getit

    Sunday, June 11, 2006

    C R U S H

    I’m writing in general not about a particular person. Back in the day when the Profe$$ionalz were still making music, I wrote these lyrics in a song; “things fall apart while they wither and melt/ the way you feel now won’t be the way you felt”

    Having a crush on someone is dramatic. You’re overcome with feelings for someone in such a short period of time. The mystery intrigues us. We think how special the moment is. The little things become giant ones. We think only ideally, romantically perhaps. Could it be love already??

    I’m talking about a real crush. These ones tend to go down in flames just as fast as they hit us. I think they help us understand who we are and what makes us go, WOW, . We have to take something away from it otherwise they hurt. Don’t have too many of these because later on you won’t know what the real thing is…

    Sunday, June 04, 2006

    Euro Trip

    That was the craziest trip ever!! 3 weeks of partying, being a tourist, travelling, eating, working on our CMS project (yeah right). London was my favorite place but I keep talking mostly about Paris and how it was such a great time. Zurich was beautiful except for my allergy attack. Germany was so fun to party in.

    My favorite part about the trip were things you wouldn't necessarily consider. The bonding that I did with Edgar, Ali, and Janet. Getting away from everything and everyone and not stressing. Each day we were care free and only worried about having a good time and making the most of our trip. After 3 weeks of being with the CMS group, everyone was acting as they truly would. You can't hide your true persona over 24/7 for 3 weeks. By end of the trip everybody wanted to hang out with us because we came drama free and we had no hidden agendas. Unfortunately they brought their baggage and made the last nite not so much fun. But overall I have a million stories and a million pictures. I don’t want to say everything we did was interesting but we had an incredible time just hanging out.

    Even after a week its hard to adjust to this LA lifestyle that I live. I miss Europe my state of mind when I was there. Its hard to maintain it here but I'm trying...

    May 24th, on the bus to Switzerland

    Trip is going well. I’ve been functioning on very little sleep and we’ve been extremely active for the past week and a half. Aside from the constant partying and drinking, we’ve been good at going to see the city. We visited the British Museum and got to see how they robbed the world’s countries of their most valuable collections of artifacts etc… We visited St. Bartholue’s Cathedral in Frankfurt, which was built in the 1600’s. I’m always amazed at these huge cathedrals and temples that I’ve been to. To me you see the dedication and devotion to God that produces such magnificent gifts for the world to enjoy.

    Coming on this trip was the best thing for me right now. I left LA with a mess for a mind. I’ve been able to not think about a lot of things and a lot of people. I’ve been able to make decisions on things that I was so stressed about. I needed to get perspective here and I’ve done that so far. I went online last night and I got to talk to Daisy and Patrick, then I started thinking of all the things that I left behind and started getting a little stressed out again. I had some weird dreams where I started to resolve some of these things and they all turned out badly.