poor kid

If you saw what happened to Clippers' Shaun Livingston's knee last nite than you know how gruesome it was. I don't want to meet the person that doesn't turn their head away when they see that. I have a weak stomach as it is but I literally saw the first half-second of it and I turned off the TV. I don't have the heart to put the video up here. You have to google it on your own.

I heard he was laying on the ground screaming in pain and the trainer had to snap his kneecap back in place just to alleviate some of the pain. I also heard when he was on the ground his toes were point in the wrong direction... His diagnosis today was even worse than what they thought yesterday. Dislocated kneecap, he shredded all his ligaments including his meniscus and separated his patella from his fibia. I feel horrible for the kid, he's only 22.

He had so much potential and could've been superstar. He had it all snatched away on a freak accident with noone around. His career might be over and he's looking at atleast 8 months of recovery. Not only that, he didn't even get the big contract that was due to him. I hope he saved some money. He doesn't even have a college degree since he jumped from high school straight into the pros.

So why am I so sympathetic for this kid who has still made more money up than I have? He's an athlete who got unlucky just like anybody else so why do I feel horrible for him? I have a secret.

One late, winter nite in the bitter wet cold of the Arizona desert, my best friend and I were walking across a slick bridge that led to the green on a golfcourse. It was one our traditions to sneak out there and hang out when we were kids. He had just come off ACL surgery and rehab for it. Well... he slipped and broke his kneecap.

I've always thought it was my fault. I convinced him to come out, I chose that place to go chill at, I should have been carrying the heavy stuff, I should have given him a better warning. I felt so guilty you can't even imagine.

I was afraid to tell him about it because I thought he would hate me when he realized it was all my fault. It came out after being pent up for a long time once when we were drunk. He knew had no hard feelings towards me. In fact, he laughed it off as ridiculous. I felt so much better about things after that. But after Shaun Livingston's injury for some reason the guilt is back.

It's ok though. Bad things happen to good people for no reason and there's like 1 million little variable that could've changed the outcome. When those things line up nature takes its course...

expenses

So I was getting my financial house in order and getting my expenses documented for tax season. I was trying to figure out where all my money went!!

First, there was my 25th Anniversary party which was a lot of freakin money even though I didn't pay for the whole thing. Well Europe cleaned me out easily. My entire trip cost me close to $8K. Damn the euro. My entertainment and dining expenses were wayyy too high. Basically, I bought a lot of drinks last year for no reason.

Also, lets face it, I'm a gadget junkie. I have more electronics than I need. I collected a lot of DVDs and clothes and stuff that could've been avoided. I also moved twice and had to buy a lot of furniture and things.

Another huge expense; I took too many vacations and I had a girlfriend. That's what killed me.

1 3 Week Europe trip - that was totally worth it
2 Vegas trips - even though I didn't lose money I still spent money
5 trips to AZ - most money spent on my brother
3 Boston trips - former g-friend and YJA related stuff
2 NY trips
1 Connecticut trip
Orlando

My relationship was pretty expensive when I look at the CC statements... Totally worth it, but I dropped BILLS.

This year I have to be fiscally responsible, or not. Even though I didn't save much money life was pretty damn good last year. I can cut back on dinners and drinks easily but I don't want to cut back on travelling and enjoying my life and visiting my friends. I have a spending problem but I've controlled it pretty well this year even though its only February.

M.E. is all about ME

The State of Mumbai Entertainment:

Be careful of what you wish for because you just might get it.

Back in August, egos almost destroyed this extremely profitable business for the both us. I felt like I wasn't getting something... I don't know if it was respect or props or what it was. Doesn't matter it led to a big fight that brought us to a better understanding and a better working relationship.

Now at this moment in late February we are at a cross roads. My partner is going to India indefinitely. We both don't what to shut the business down because of how profitable we've been, but its hard for one person to do.... Or so I will find out.

I have 2 events that are within 6 days, both of which are enough stress to pull my hair out. I'm coming off not one of our strongest events and I've got to plan a whole speed dating session alone and figure out a way to reinvent our long-running bhangra party.

We'll see how good I really am, by myself.

my brittney sheers take

This is a huge train-wreck in the process of slamming into a canyon wall after missing the bridge tracks.

Jumping rehab in less than 24 hours is showing not only a sign of no control, but an obvious sign of self-destruction. I mean, 1 minute you want to straighten out your life and next you want to binge??

Don't tell me this is "K-Dirt's" magic over her. Please... I've had a girl or 2 put a spell over me but not enough for me to ruin my life. In fact, it pushed me harder than ever before. Hey Brit, YOU HAVE 2 KIDS. First crazy astronaut lady, than Annay Nicole, now this crazy broad. Rather than going GI JANE and getting inked (in the valley of all places) why don't you put down the syringe and powder-coated mirror and convert to Jainism. Hatred is depression turned inwards and you really aren't hating, K-Dirt or your self-serving mom, you hate your life...

Better yet, why don't you go Hindu and do a 40-day Shivji pujja so atleast you're doing something productive. I'm not trying to self-promote, but seriously, do something positive rather than destroy yourself. This is guy is dirty and he used you. He wasn't the even closest to the greatest thing to hit you and all he did was knock you up and take HALF your shit.

So Brittney,

Listen to me; even though it sounds like Dick Cheney talking aboutSSaddamn, you need someone to blow you up to realize the mistakes you made. Get some control. Stay away from the razor or anything sharp, block out K-Dirt, take care of your babies and just remember the trailer park. It should soothe your pain...

P.S. - I'm not trying to be a hater but the media is driving me out of control with this crap.

big brother is always watching!

its like a magic eye game, or where's waldo! find me, and my line of sight and the rest is an inside joke

if you can't view the entire image there's a link above under the title.

red sox nation

You ever purchased a car or have become enphatuated(spelling) with a car and you see it all over the place? It's in your dreams, your friends' friends drive them, they're all over the road, it gets to a point where you stop yourself to be like, this is out of control.

That's how I feel about Boston, MA. I've been overexposed to people from Boston indirectly. It's not even that but its companies from Boston are up in my grill. I don't know specifically where North End is, I don't need to see the hotel you had your med school prom at in because I was there!! Yeah I know Copley and I yes the Boston Celtics are on the West Coast getting spanked by every team over here... I'm aware, I'm aware that you grew up in Boston or went to school there or that you have family there just like I do.

I really don't ask for this, UNIVERSE. I have so much to remind m me already of that city and how cool it is (yeah, deep down I have a fascination with the East Coast) so please keep me out of sight for future reference. I'm a left coast kid. I'm not trying to be resistant, but... are you serious????

I'm not even probing for Boston in casual conversation or anything!! I seem to be a magnet for that particular city on that part of that coast which, I am supposed to despise.

oh, goodbyes...

Himala just left for the airport and there's no guarantee he's going to get his residency in LA or second choice Chicago. We only known each other for less than 2 weeks but we hung almost everyday and we had a lot of fun. When you spend a lot of time with a friend and then they leave indefinitely you feel a little weird. Because its only a friend amongst the many you have. We kinda were helping each other out in a lot ways. He's recently single and new to the West LA area so it made perfect sense for us to hang out.

I hope he gets his residency out here.

In the meantime back to whatever it is I do.

grey street

i was listening to dave today... forget how powerful his music is all-around, not just the lyrics. i definitely suggest i-tunes (not condoning illegal digital piracy publicly)

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, “Hey,
How did I come to this?
I dream myself a thousand times around the world,
But I can’t get out of this place”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears it doesn’t listen
There’s still a hope in her it might

She says, “I pray
But they fall on deaf ears,
Am I supposed to take it on myself?
To get out of this place”

There’s loneliness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart

There’s a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them as real as anything
It’d take the work out of the courage

But she says, “Please
There’s a crazy man that’s creeping outside my door,
I live on the corner of Grey Street and the end of the world”

There’s an emptiness inside her
And she’d do anything to fill it in
And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now
It’s more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey
And it breaks her heart
It breaks her heart
To grey

Quarter-Life Crisis

I didn't write this but I thought it was half-way there.

Being Twenty-Something

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look less appealing . You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself...

And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion... "I bend but I do not break."

happyness

The more I talk to people and make myself aware to their feelings and desires, the more I realize that nobody is happy. I'm not sure if I'm comforted by that or saddened by it. Think about when you ask someone if they are truly happy with their life. And everyone turns their as if to shy away and think's about it and comes back with yeah it's pretty good.

Ask people about their work... There's very few people that I have met that say off the top of their head, "Dude are you kidding me? There's nothing I'd rather be doing?"

Ask them about their relationships... Most people aren't even trully happy in those. There's always questions and issues and things that just don't

Everybody's got "STUFF"

The positive I can take out of this is that people have hope and faith that things will be better. We have to believe that, right? There's nothing else to say other than that.

We want more than what life gives and when it does gives more, it's usually bad things

Does that mean we should be happy with what we have and expect nothing. Just be free? Maybe...

But like I always say, I'd rather be a lion for a day, than a lamb who lives forever.

college days

Having Dave in town this weekend gave us a chance to reminisce on all those crazy college memories that we hold on to. We've grown up a lot and so much has happened since college I can't even begin to explain. There's always a little bit of sadness when we have these reunions because we all miss those days.

Even though those days were so much fun, and we young adults exploring the world and what it had to offer, I'm glad that it's in the past. Life is supposed to get better and better year after year. It's up and down, all cyclical. It's nice when there's no responsibilities and we can get to experience life on someone else's dime.

eh...

my favorite commercial right now

AIR JORDAN XX2 TAKE OVER

a standstill

I think reached a point with my former, better-half where we just don't talk to each other about things. I still do a little bit but we've both got our walls up. She told me she doesn't trust me because of some things that I said that were supposed TOP SECRET and I didn't know that. I'm starting to ponder my trust in her. Because I've always gone ahead and trusted her and assumed at the same time that she has always been telling me the truth like I have (amazing only because I'm usually very guarded) with her.

But now I wonder if she's lied to me since we've not been together. I also wonder if she ever lied to me when we were together. Depending on if she had lied and to what severity and what subject matter it could really change things. I'm not suspicious I'm just thinking outloud.

It seems now I can literally see her walls up. It puts mine up too. I still share stuff with her but nothing really major. Even though I miss her and want her still to be a major part of my life, I don't want to be a burden on her and I want to be a part of hers too.

It's a much bigger issue and have a separate post somewhere in this blogspot; as much as I was into our relationship I never fully have myself up. Meaning I was about 88% there. A solid b-plus!! I still had some insecurities and secrets I had to work out that she should know about me but that I didn't tell her, yet. There bigger to me than to her knowing but they mean a lot to me and I didn't share them with her because I didn't feel comfortable enough yet and I didn't want to be judged.

I would say she gave up maybe 70%. A lot of things I would ask about her she would not tell me. A lot of things she was not comfortable with and just things she wasn't ready to tell me or trust me with.

Now our communication feels so empty that I'm like, whats the point even.

tim hardaway is gay

When asked about John Amaechi's admission of being gay and playing basketball in the NBA:

Hardaway: "Well, you know I hate gay people, so I let it be known. I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. So yeah, I don't like it."

Tim Hardaway himself HAS to be gay. If you actually heard the clip of this and what he said than you know how hateful he was. A man full of that much hate must hate himself first. So my theory is he's a self-loather. Just Kidding.

But still this guy is full of hatred and there is a lot of people out there like this. Why does it bother them so much, it doesn't even affect them!! Ifs he standing on the moral high ground by telling other people that there's something wrong with being gay, and that he hates a group of people, he should really take a look in the mirror. He's black and we don't condone those people who say they hate groups of other people that aren't like them.

And mind you who this is coming from. My opinion on homosexuality is keep it out of my face. I know gay people and I've had gay friends. Sometimes I get uncomfortable around them. I remember a time in college my gay friend's friend was over and hit on me in a very perverse manner. Not only did it gross me out but I was really uncomfortable. Sometimes I classify myself as homophobic but after hearing that Tim Hardaway is too, I publicly like to change my classification. I'm fine with homosexuality as long as it doesn't affect me negatively and I'm cool with gay people as long as they don't flaunt their orientation in my face (like a certain gay guy did a couple weeks ago and really freaked me out cause he was brown and I assumed he was straight the first time I was around him).

I may not be the most enlightened person when it comes to this stuff but I really do want to see people happy. Would I be fine if I had a gay son? I don't know, a few months ago I thought I would be disappointed if I had a girl but a dream changed all that for me. Lets just learn from others and maybe one day everyone will be cool with everyone.

procrastination

i keep pushing back on my blogs with filler, not fully thought-out almost lazy but i wouldnt say worthless blogs about all this other crap. problem is ive done so much thinking on my epic that im writing that i havent written down my thoughts and i cant seem to get them together coherently enough for it to sound like the apologetic that i want it to sound like.

soon, soon...

hangin' with himala

I have a new homie to hang out with for the next couple weeks. I don't know how Daisy knew we were going to hit it off but she was more than right. The one only other brown person she knows and he happens to be not just cool as hell, but exactly the type of friend I need right now.

Even when we first me I didn't have to put a mask on and we chilled down-to-earth style. But he's gotta go back to Texas after these 2 weeks and maybe he'll do his residency out here.

VDay then and now

This was last year. My tone has changed dramatically compared to now.

February 14th

If you're single and it's Valentine's Day, there's nothing to be sad or bitter about. There's 364 other days to have a romantic encounter. Besides, V-Day is about love, not about being with somebody. I was told 2 things last week that made me realize that people take this day wayyy to seriously: " I would feel really sad if I was alone on Valentine's Day." And "Someone who is cheap would say that Valentine's Day is just one day out of the year."

Now being perpetually single can't help but feel the shame from these people who have extravagant plans. But then I think about it and there's more than one person I would want to spend Valentine's Day with, but that isn't going to happen for one reason or another. I'm pretty sure Kristin Kreuk, Jessica Alba etc... have plans already. And for those non-celebrity girls that I would be interested in getting to know, I think a first date today is a little forward. So the only thing really left to do is completely ignore the hearts, and flowers that surround me everywhere. I love how everyone wants to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day or a Happy Singles Awareness Day as if it's New Years or Christmas.

Today if you don't expect anything than you won't be disappointed. If it means that much, to you just know you have 364 days to plan next Valentine's Day with someone so get to work!! You can do what I'm going to do, which is move forward just like any other day and have dinner with three people I love and respect; me, myself and I.


PPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEE


This is 2007.

"There is no remedy for love, but to love more" - Henry David Thoreau

All I can say is if you have something special for today than celebrate it. Even if you don't have anything than celebrate it. I never thought of this day as a day of mourning for some people, but it seems that way for those who have lost something, but its ok.

Tommorrow is Tuesday, and I'm also going to cherish what I still think was special. It's not the end of the world.

If there's anybody out there who's going through what I'm going through or even worse stuff than I'm going through I got something to tell you... Keep a little bit of hope, because a little bit of hope and a little bit of hope and a little bit of hope adds up a whole A LOT of HOPE.

Happy Valentine's Day.

i love redundancy, i love redundancy, i love redudancy

If you add up everything that Jesus said in the Bible, it comes to about 2 hours. He gets a lot of mileage on that doesn't he?

So from about the beginning of July to the middle of the February. I've been able to extrapolate a lot of bloggage from my past relationship... I said the same shit over and over and twisted it around tied it in a knot. I've killed this topic but in such a verbose manner that it never seems to go away.

So this is what I call my apollogetic; a defense of my faith. I want to history to show how I saw things and how I felt.

Here's the truth to everything atleast the way I see it:

We met not by chance, but for a reason. I truly believe that. I need to believe that. It wasn't so obvious but we were drawn to each other. People knew about us before we did! They say they could tell from how we interacted. (I shake my head) The connection was so obvious to me now but it wasn't so clear to me then. We sat and talked one night in at bar in NYC and I knew at that point that I was really attracted to her. It was way beyond her million dollar smile and her fiesty personality.

The phone call frequency increased afterwards. I remember I was on a minigolf course in Orlando with my brother and a 8 stroke lead heading into the back 9 and I ended up losing because I was on the phone with her. And she knew I was losing and it was because of her and she didn't care... The first time perhaps where my sacrificing for her started.

Things got intense and I knew I was with somebody with ideals and expectations that were from somebody younger, growing up in a perfect environment. To accept me and who I am and everything that that entails takes somebody with an open mind and forgiving nature. Somebody who can see past flaws and my mistakes and the differences. She did that for a while but buried these reasons that would come up later.

This PART ONE of an Epic... To Be Continued...

selling out

I'm selling out and going corporate and I've made a full commitment to it. After having a discussion with an old professor my plan is to jump back and forth between corporate and small business. As long as it doesn't steal my spirit I think I can be content there for a while. I'll still be doing my stuff on the side and my mind will still wander at work I'm sure.

I've been spending my time working one bigger blog post that I'm a little proud of so far. I'm impressed with my own memory and how I can recall events like in HD.

aqua

i came a little closer putting the aqua back in aquaman at aqua tonite. u would think after really drinking for after a while that drinking 7 crown and cokes and u would feel nice and drunk and in a positive attitude but its kinda disheartening that im still sober. maybe disturbing. i have so many thoughts and sayings and so much happened to me tonite but i cant even summarize right now cuz im overwhelmed with wisdom, experience, and truth all i can do is quote this one of my favorite metallica songs (i finally got the S&M album after 7 years) GOOD NITE NOW!!!

And it feels right this time
On this crash course were in the big time
Pay no mind to the distant thunder
Beauty fills his head with wonder, boy....

Says it feels right this time
Turn around, found new high lights
Good day to be alive sir
Good day to be alive, he said.....

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just the freight train coming your way

Dont it feel right like this
All the pieces fall to his wish
Suck up for that quick reward boy
Suck up for that quick reward they said.....

Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way
Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just the freight train coming your way......
Its coming your way
Its coming your way......
Here comes

Yeah, then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel
Is just a freight train coming your way.... yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah...
Then it comes to be, yeah

that feeling

Do you remember back at the beginning of a special relationship - those moments where the innocence and possibilities are endless. You can stay up until 5AM just talking on the phone. There's no fights, there's no expectations, things just happen at a natural pace.

It's a beautiful thing and even when you're in a relationship with that person you think back to those times and how pure they seem to be. I remember those things so clearly in my mind. You have that feeling and it makes you happy.

chasing cars... again

I wrote a blog a couple weeks back about estranged friends. What about estranged significant others...

It's like we talk through a glass wall separating us and it's a little foggy so you know who is on the other side but you can't see them for who they are exactly. There's a barrier there and you can't do anything about no matter how hard you try. It just isn't the same.

Even though it's different you still get a little comfort from what used to be. You can demolish a house but there is going to be something left behind. Question is can you use what's left to rebuild, or build something else?

turn the pages, turn to stone

The further I get away from this whole thing, the more questions I have...

How were we on 2 different pages? When did that happen? Was it because I said three little words that she couldn't say or feel? I know she came close to it. Not even a few weeks into our relationship she hit me with "whats the word for in between like and love." She also hit me with your a part of my life now... Even though I felt this was a little premature I complied. And complied with everything she asked of me, it wasn't always in the time frame and terms she wanted but I ALWAYS did. If anything I felt like I wasn't on the same page as her. I had to get myself there somehow. Because regardless of rushing in and feeling foolish and out of place - even if I had to akwardly get to that page - I didn't want to miss out on something special.

It took alot out of me to get there but I pushed and I fought through periods and it started to feel natural for me.

Knowing me, you know I've done my research here. I can cite back to incidents and things that were said and things that we fought about. She was the one that brought up the "M" word and talked about kids and such. I was always avoiding it. I didn't want to tell my parents about her but I'm one who did, not her. She wanted me to meet some of her family even thought I told her it made uncomfortable. She wasn't afraid to introduce me to people that could cause her problems later on knowing about our relationship. She made me comfortable. She made it seem like things were so right.

She made me feel like we had something special together and that it was going to get bigger and better.

That was the point in the beginning. I mean that's why we got into this thing. I could've handled a few conversations and let it dissolve. But we got deep into it because we both seemingly wanted that. That's why it went down this path.

We were on the same page. How did it get to where we are now? I think I know...

That's Amare!!

Now this is fantastic. I wish this guy didn't leave me hanging with a full handshake/chestbump in SIX in Scottsdale back in August. Oh and by the way... He's not the only one that's met the current Governor Janet Napolitano... My dad is so baller we were even invited to her inaugaration (spelling). Unfortunately 9/11 kept me out!


MENTORING HIGH ON STOUDEMIRE'S LIST

Phoenix center Amare Stoudemire, who will play Monday night in Denver, has sent a letter to Nuggets fans about his passion for mentoring.

On Jan. 20, I was invited to speak to mentors and mentees at an event in Phoenix called Mentors at the Movies that was put on by the governors office. I met with Gov. Napolitano of Arizona back in my rookie year. We both had strong feelings about dedicating ourselves to helping the youth.

My foundation is called Each One, Teach One, so Im definitely down with the mentor thing. As we were getting ready for the mentor event, I saw some statistics on the youth. I found out that in my community, 30 percent of K-12 youth are responsible for taking care of themselves after school. Also, 17.6 million youth nationwide can benefit from having a mentor, but only 2.5 million actually have them! It opened my eyes, and I wanted to tell everyone my story in hopes of encouraging more people to be become mentors to youth.

A mentor I had back in high school was a coach by the name of Bernie Hayes. He was a no-nonsense kind of guy. He taught us to remove our hats when stepping into a building and to pull up our pants. If you didnt, you had to do 50 push-ups, no matter where you were. You could be in a mall with 200 people, and if he catches you, you had to do push-ups then and there.

Back then, I wasnt thinking, and I wanted to keep my hat on, cuz I thought, hey, my hat looks cool. Being twenty-four now, I definitely understand the reasons behind it. Straightening up the small details can teach you how to be a man and help you get to where you want to go.

I came out of high school in the 2002 draft. I was a player that went to six different high schools to stay out of trouble. That's how bad it was. It is easier for kids to get into trouble than to stay out of trouble. When I was in high school, a lot of people didnt think I would be successful. There were rumors around that I was not educated. So I said, Im going to prove them wrong. I sat down with my mentor, and I told him that I want to improve myself and get better grades. I ended up leaving high school with a 3.0 GPA.

When I came out of high school, I was the ninth pick in the 2002 draft. I came out the same year as Yao Ming, whos a foot taller, one hundred pounds bigger than me, and a great ball player. I was battling with him for Rookie of the Year, and I ended up getting it over him. I became the first player to receive the rookie of the year honor coming straight out of high school. If I didnt have Coach Hayes pushing me every step of the way, guiding me with both the big and little things, I wouldnt be where I am today.

I just wanted to call out to the people of Denver before I head over to play the Nuggets on Monday ... and encourage everyone to become mentors to young people, even if its for a couple hours a month.

Basketball is only my profession but doing it has given me a chance to be a role model for youth. Hopefully we can all become role models to children in our own way. Then we all can have a chance to be better kids, students, friends, parents and people.

- Amare Stoudemire

back in La Ciudad

Its always hard to say goodbye to home. I almost ended up staying longer. I miss it but I know I'm not supposed to be there right now. The grass is always greener too right??

I miss my family, my friends, the places that I grew up and have fond memories of. I miss the places I used to eat at, the places I hung out at the familiarity of everything. The Valley of the Sun is an amazing place to grow up in and live in.

im on tv??

Dont know what that means...
I should get my own reality show. I don't want one of those dramatic ones like on MTV True Life. I want one of those wacky stupid ones like on E! But honestly, my life right now doesn't have the dramatic flair and spontaneous adventures that I used to have.

Anyways...

Settling down or settling for...

Is it just ironic that these 2 cliches start with the same verb??

I'm an extremely picky person. Most people wouldn't realize it with the way I'm nonchalant about choices in certain aspects of life, but I really am picky and indecisive. When it comes to clothes, what I want to eat, what I want to do on the weekends, I eliminate options with the most eccentric and crazy reasons.

So when it comes it relationships, nothing is different here. From being with my former girlfriend, I realized why it never worked out with others. Even those times when I wanted it to work out I would get mad at myself for being so picky, but I couldn't help it. I still can't....

At some point I am going to have to settle down. I might have to settle for someone too... You see, when I started out with my with former girlfriend - there's was a lot of things that I had to accept about her that weren't what I thought I was ideal to me. Little things that would people would deem ridiculous. There was always things that made me think I am settling for something less??

What happens more and more over time I've realized what's most important to me. It's not that I was settling for less because of my own petty preferences and beliefs, I was being priviledged with more than I could deserve.

I wish things could be so easy and decisions weren't so complicated. I wish that we could see past all our issues and take the value of what is in front of us. If only I was a simple man....

3rd party assessment of me

Amit can be aggressive and direct, but still be considerate of people. Other people
realize that directness is one of his great strengths. He has the ability to question people's basic assumptions about things. He prides himself on his creativity, incisiveness and cleverness. He exudes self-confidence and exemplifies an individual who is not afraid to state his case or present new and creative ideas. He wants to be seen as a winner and has an inherent dislike for losing or failing. He tends to work hard and long to be successful. Amit is the type of individual who, under pressure, has a tremendous sense of urgency and need to get things done. He is comfortable in an environment that may be characterized by high pressure and is variety-oriented. He is a goal-oriented individual who believes in harnessing people to help him achieve his goals. He needs people with other strengths on his team. He is forward-looking, aggressive and competitive. His vision for results is one of his positive strengths. Under pressure, Amit has a tendency to actively seek opportunities which test and develop his abilities to accomplish results. He is aggressive and confident.

Amit has the unique ability of tackling tough problems and following them through to satisfactory conclusion. Many people see his decisions as high-risk decisions. However, after the decision is made, he tends to work hard for a successful outcome. He should realize that at times he needs to think a project through, beginning to end, before starting the project. He is a good problem solver and troubleshooter, always seeking new ways to solve old problems. Amit will work long hours until a tough problem is solved. After it is solved, Amit may become bored with any routine work that follows. Sometimes he becomes emotionally involved in the decision-making process. He prefers authority equal to his responsibility. When faced with a tough decision, he will try to sell you on his ideas.

Amit likes people who give him options as compared to their opinions. The options
may help him make decisions, and he values his own opinion over that of others! His
creative and active mind may hinder his ability to communicate to others effectively. He may present the information in a form that cannot be easily understood by some people. He tends to be intolerant of people who seem ambiguous or think too slowly. He likes people who present their case effectively. When they do, he can then make a quicker assessment or decision. Amit tends to influence people by being direct, friendly and results-oriented. He should exhibit more patience and ask questions to make sure that others have understood what he has said. He may lose interest in what others are saying if they ramble or don't speak to the point. His active mind is already moving ahead. He may lack the patience to listen and communicate with slower acting people.

Most people are aware of and sensitive to the ways with which they prefer to be communicated. Many people find this section to be extremely accurate and important for enhanced interpersonal communication. This page provides other people with a list of things to DO when communicating with Amit. Read each statement and identify the 3 or 4 statements which are most important to him. We recommend highlighting the most important "DO's" and provide a listing to those who communicate with Amit most frequently.

Do:
Expect him to return to fight another day when he has received a "no" answer.
Use a balanced, objective and emotional approach.
Stick to business--let him decide if he wants to talk socially.
Ask specific (preferably "what?") questions.
Understand his defiant nature.
Present the facts logically; plan your presentation efficiently.
Come prepared with all requirements, objectives and support material in a
well-organized "package."
Look for his oversights.
Clarify any parameters in writing.
Provide "yes" or "no" answers--not maybe.
Be clear, specific, brief and to the point.


Don't:
Try to convince by "personal" means.
Direct or order.
Let disagreement reflect on him personally.
Try to build personal relationships.
Ramble on, or waste his time.
Ask rhetorical questions, or useless ones.
Hesitate when confronted.
Come with a ready-made decision, or make it for him.
Take credit for his accomplishments.
Muffle or overcontrol.
Be redundant.
Forget or lose things, be disorganized or messy, confuse or distract his mind from
business.
Be paternalistic.


Amit sees his present work environment requiring him to exhibit the behavior listed on this page. If the following statements DO NOT sound job related, explore the reasons why he is adapting this behavior.

Willing to take risks when others may be hesitant.
Maintaining an ever-changing, friendly, work environment.
Optimistic, future-oriented outlook.
Using a creative approach in decision making.
Acting independently and without precedent.
Using a direct, forthright and honest approach in his communications.
Making tactful decisions.
Responding well to challenges: "You say I can't do it? Just watch me!"
Flaunting independence.
Positive, outgoing, friendly behavior.
Flexibility.
Motivating people to take action by using persuasive skills.

ubt!!

The coolest thing I've seen in a while. Elimination Black Jack!!! That is awesome, I've watched the UBT on TV and it was so cool. To me it was way more interesting and exciting than watching Hold'em or any of these other poker tournaments. I wish had the time and I lived in Vegas so I could get good enough to play in these tournaments.

But then again, I'm sure it's one of my phases and I'll forget about this hobby in a month. I have a huge day tomm and I hope that it goes well...

estranged friends

The same faces keep coming back around. Is life a revolving door where we are meant to cross paths with those who we've known at some point? The change is evident, and the perception of that person is changed as well.

I think for a moment you see that person as they once were, and then you see who they are now. There's a fascination or a confusion there. Like, "who is this person?" I know that's how people view me.

Have you ever ran into someone from some point in the past and you're excited to see them and talk to them. A little reunion... You reminisce, catch up, see where things are, ask about others... You ever asked about someone and find out that they passed away? That's a sobering experience so to speak.

We live our lives in our world and our circles and these worlds and circles are all intertwined and overlapping with all these other beings. I'm not trying to be all existential right now, but it's like so much is happening outside of our little lives. How do we maintain a balance between our life and the world without being attached/detached?

Because I believe we all have purpose and I know that my life is meant to be a man for others. It's hard to feel that way when the universe moves at a pace that excludes you most of the time.

damn, it feels good to be a suns fan

I was seriously going to have problems for a while if the Suns didn't win this game. This was huge! It's not even the playoffs but if you are a diehard, hardcore Suns fan then if I talked to you today, then I sensed the angst and urgency in this game. I lived through this in 2001 when the Diamondbacks won the World Series and it lifted an entire Arizona community up. This is even bigger and it is even more special.

We've had our hopes and dreams crushed year after year, decade after decade. We fell in love with the different teams we've had and we lived and died by their success and failure. Now, we have the Canadian who symbolizes selflessness, courage, skill, and most importantly heart. He's complemented by an array of humble and likeable characters who's abilities and mindset share his own. All his accomplishments - 2-time MVP working on his third straight, yeah its a huge deal considering the only guys that have on this are the considered the greatest players to ever step on this planet- is predicated on the success of his teamates... Doesn't that just make you warm and fuzzy inside?? I'm working on transferring this into real life.

So what's stopping me from saying this is OUR year?? Because I know what it feels like when you have your hopes get stomped on. I'm stopping short of saying that right now. But I'm starting to get that feeling that this team, is next destiny in the desert. God, I hope so... oops