from darkness to light

When you're lost its so much harder to find your way when you spend time trying to figure out how you got lost in the first place. After my lifetime of experiences I've taken up the approach of finding a direction and just going with it even if its wrong until I can get to a point to recalibrate.

I met someone that was lost on their journey and the opportunity was presented to me be part of their journey. Only to later on to be told that their journey was sort of a pit stop. Needless to say thats where it ended for me. First of all, I had no business being there in the first place, but it did feel right at some point. Not that that is worth anything, but it needs to be said.

The following applies to friends and significant others: You always hear people tell you that they will always care about you, and they will always worry about you, they will always be friends, and blah, blah, blah. That is not true. Once, the moment is gone and it has been fully removed, and the space in the relationship ecosystem is replaced with someone else, there's little to no feeling left. I can confirm that from at least 2 ex-girlfriends based solely on action. And I'm not bitter about that, in fact the feeling is somewhat mutual. I don't wish hate or harm on anyone, but its a lot harder to sympathize or empathize when you don't any connection to them.

So rather than realize this later on, its better to admit it now. It's going to come to that point anyways.

The whole thing was a farce. We used each other. Anything that was said to me I can't hold to be true or untrue. I always had the control and I never utilized it. I was never Number 1 at any point. It was fun, but I never got what I really wanted. I was overly analyzed, compared, criticized to the point where it started wearing down my own self-esteem.

I'm keeping this story very short, and vague because it doesn't deserve much time. The good thing is, I got the fire in my belly back. I got a mega-chip on my shoulder that's going to turn into something positive. So much good is going to come out of this situation for me and the people directly and indirectly around me.

Out of the darkness and into the light....