he will do one of two things....

As the song goes:

He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same....

You always hear people say let sleeping dogs lie, don’t rock the boat, etc… The dog is in a comatose but I still feel inclined to get something off my chest for my own growth and self-realization. It took me a long time to realize that the relationship I had with my ex-girlfriend was an extended fling. It was a crush that went too far. I’m not regretting anything or saying that it shouldn’t have happened. What I’m trying to say is that there was a lot of stuff on my end that I pushed to the back of my mind. I felt guilty for having such thoughts but what I was really doing accentuating the good stuff and the bad stuff would spark my subconscious and conscious into fights and arguments that really didn’t need to happen.
There was so many things that were asked of me and I did most of them without a fuss. But there was some ones that seemed to be important to her that I simply refused to do giving my reasons. But her approach and my response is what makes us not work.

I met a girl I barely knew asking me to do simple things for her and I took pleasure in doing them. At that very moment I had to stop and ask myself, what was so different. This isn’t your girlfriend or even a close friend, its some girl that you could potentially be interested in. Are you doing these things because now because they don’t bother you yet or are you doing them because you’re trying to make a good impression? Or the scary part, did you grow up a little bit? I’d like to think it was the way I was asked and some growth on my part.

There were very clear moments in our relationship that I haven’t shared with anyone, not even my bestfriend (until recently), where I thought, ‘can I do this for the rest of my life?’ it was moments in bed, moments in the public where I thought at some point I would have to make this decision because these things I wasn’t sure if I could live with. A good example that doesn’t throw anyone under the bus is that my-ex moves quite a bit in her sleep, at least when I was there. I could tell the moment she was entering REM because her entire body would move just a little to disturb me. Now, I have slept next to family, I’ve slept with my closest friends in the same bed, of both sexes. I’ve been spooned unknowingly by one of my bestfriend thinking I was his girlfriend. And my sleep never broke. That was one of those moments where I knew that there was going to be a decision to be made one way or the other.

Its easy for me to say this now and it sounds vengeful, but it things would have gone on course I know in my gut that I would have had to end things. I knew when we were still together. I think a lot of these really small but major things would have eaten me up. Seeing the grass from my side, it would have looked greener.

It was my pride that kept me there and wanting to see where things would go. It was how good I felt in moments. I made major changes and all I needed was motivation. I got my motivation to change that ultimately led me to become a better person. I always say the only thing that stops me or anyone from doing anything is motivation.

I am exhausted and I wish I could go on and on because there's so much I can say still but this where I go to sleep and let the other dogs life...