new chapter

The previous chapter in my life is now closed. I had to close it, that was the problem. I Had the power to and I never did, because my idealization and what I thought was fate wouldn't let me. I let my insecurities take over me. I mean listen to what I used to say; "the garbage man who wins the lotto does not throw out the ticket." To give some background this is when my ex thought I would leave her or break her heart. And in her insecurity I put myself down. Its a sweet thing and nice memory to cherish but it has a negative undertone on how I see myself in comparison to her and that's not good.

This thing dragged out for over a year and I know the truth about how things went down , believe me so I really should have had taken control when I had the chance. Damn, how silly was I. Now knowing who she is and who I am and how the two don't tie together is like getting hit by Mike Tyson when he could still hurt people. After being stunned you see the world a little differently. I can't live in comparison to her. I can't live my life by what she wanted me to be or who I thought I should be. Because all the changes I made for her I did for thw wrong reasons and I should have been doing them for myself directly even though they ahd a positive impact. People aren't supposed to change for someone else, they're supposed to grow.

Those intimate moments, that closeness will be there forever. But the exciting possibilities that I have opened myself up to for the chance to create new moments is why we don't die from these things...