the cowboy mentality

Try googling it and see what you find, not exactly what it means to me. But it goes back to the old Wild West, thinking about legendary characters like Jesse James and such. For my purposesI have to explain what I see as the cowboy mentality and how it relates to how I see myself now and then. I've always said after Dr. Kiesner once told me you're a cowboy.

What he meant in terms of business is that a cowboy pushes the envelope. He doesn't care what the rules are because he lives on his own morality whether that is supposed to be good, all things being equal. Cowboys aren't afraid to get their hands dirty. Cowboys lead from the front. People follow them because they are genuine, they're not wasting time, and they're following a passion. They're confident - borderline cocky. The cowboy is nonchalant under duress and is known for being clutch. People feel mysteriously safe around him. They can be wreckless and short-sided but they're not concerned with the collateral damage as much as the outcome. They got a chip on their shoulder believing that the world is against them, but refusing to lose anyways. Cowboys take what they want.

This whole mentality has defined me ever since it was introduced. It spoke to me in such a deep sense that I even acted this way just because thats what a cowboy would do. Ok, yes I tend to over think things and I apply principles to things that maybe don't belong just to make sense. I only say this when they just can't be explained not because I don't think I'm wrong as much as others are.

So who I am right now? So much has changed... I've garnered a whole new perspective on doing things the right way and leading from the front but watching those in the back so they don't get lost. My confidence overall is not the same. The long-term makes me rethink decisions. I can't find the passion.

Its pretty real.... When you realize that you're self-value was appraised on the way you and your parents handled a situation when you were 7 years old, that is what has dominated your life. I'll leave it at that for now...