1 year in the making

Those memories are as stubborn as the two of us on an issue. They won't go away and find a place somwhere in my mind. What I find to be a tragedy is that we couldn't continue those memories. I missed out on seeing her grow as a person and seeing me grow too. I'm not part of her life and thats a tragedy to me. I'm not there to pick her up when shes down and shes not there to make me smile. In those akward silences on the phone, most of them I was just smiling, enjoying her company over the phone. I don't know about her accomplishments and her obstacles. Its tough thinking where things would have gone, because so much changed in my life. At one point I was really close to moving to the east coast or to the south!!

What I miss...

I miss the late night phone conversations and having her fall asleep on me. It was even better in person.

I miss hearing her call me by her nicknames for me. It always seemed to give me a boost of confidence.

I miss her worrying about me and taking care of me. She was good at it.

I miss the expected smooches, especially the unexpected ones.

I miss her surprising me and always impressing me with what she could do and what she knew and how she handled situations.

I miss seeing that sparkle in her eyes and the way she looked at me. I could get lost in her eyes they were so deep and embracing.

I miss her always keeping me close. Touching me softly wrapping her feet around my leg when we ate out. She took a strong and powerful young man and made him better.

I miss her needing me. I miss how she made me feel.

The last year some worldy power has kept me away from certain people and away from situations and got me on track with a lot of things. I just don't know where its leading and I wish I had a crystal ball to tell me what its all leading to. The signs, keep pushing my thoughts in a certain way even when I don't want them to. Its a phenomenon on its own right. But its all for a reason. Onward and upward is what they say. But I'll always wonder....