CONSTRUCTION OF THE LADDER

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER!

This image of the Man's ladder is not completely in-line with what my modified version of this theory is. For everywhere it says 'fuck' change that with would have a relationship and/or hook-up. Trust me girls, there's plenty of guys would hook-up with you in a moment's notice if you offered to. And the scary part is a lot of guys that you consider friends would surprise you. Also, what is scary are the guys that wouldn't either.


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So it should be self-evident, if you are following this at all, that the people you want to be with the most will be at the top of the ladder. Descending down to the bottom of the ladder we pass the following people:

1. The people we really want, who may even be out of our league, are on top but not necessarily a reality.
2. Then come the people we like we just have some hesitations or have a hang-up.
3. Moving further down we pass the people who we would if 1 or 2 things were different about them.
4. At the bottom are the people we would fuck drunk, and would lie about doing it later. I would rather say these are the people that are our friends and acquaintances. People, to say not so politely... really don't have a chance with us.

Now let's take a look at what the typical woman's ladder looks like:


The first thing to notice here is that a woman has not one ,but two ladders. This is because in addition the normal ladder, a woman also has a friends ladder. The friends ladder is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends". More to the point where she puts guys who don't get to have sex with her.

The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which ladder he is on. Obviously there is a huge difference, or gap between these two ladders. It is in this gap that kisses of death are delivered. All a man can do is "go for it" and make a move on a girl; ask her out, try to kiss her, write her a love note or whatever. If he's on the good ladder fine. If he is on the friends ladder this is a case of ladder jumping. The man is trying to jump the gap from the friends ladder to the real ladder. The girl has two choices at this point: she can let him on the ladder and all is well, or, more likely, she can kick him in the head, and off the ladder. If you look you'll see that below the ladder is the Abyss(what was it Nietzsche said about a man being on a rope stretched over an Abyss?....well it's worse than he thought; there is no rope.) So the man falls into the Abyss. The Abyss isn't really as bad as it sounds. Mostly it's a period of self-loathing, embarrassment, and of course utter awkwardness with the girl in question if they are talking at all.

To fully illustrate the point I'll now examine some common scenarios and their ladder theory explanations. For purposes of these examples Tom will be our boy and Jane will be out girl.

Scenario 1: Tom meets Jane. She's pretty and seems interesting to talk to. Tom and Jane start hanging out and talking more and more. Tom develops an attraction to Jane, and one day tries to kiss her. Jane tell Tom she doesn't think of him that way and she wants to remain friends. The next few weeks contact between the two falls off. Jane is now chasing a guy who has no interest in her at all.

Ladder Theory Explanation: Tom met Jane. Tom was immediately placed on the friends ladder. Tom didn't know this. Tom tried to jump ladders. Jane kicked Tom in the head rather than lead him on and sent him hurtling to the Abyss below. The new guy was NEVER was not on her friends ladder (they never are) but rather on her good ladder.

Scenario 2: Tom meets Jane. She's cute and seems smart. After an appropriate amount of time he asks her out on a date. She accepts and they have what seems to be a perfectly nice date. Tom thinks he has a chance with Jane. He asks her out again. She says no, either explicitly or by never returning his phone call. Tom has no idea what the Hell just happened. Jane gets back with her EX who is completely wrong for her but holds on to the relationship because she 'feels right' yet is entirely wrong for all the right reasons(puke).

Ladder Theory Explanation: Jane misrepresented which ladder Tom was on. He thought he was on the good ladder because of her acceptance of the date. Mistake. This led to an unintentional ladder jump. He was kicked into the Abyss. In this situation, Jane often wants to stay friends because you are so interesting and funny or some shit like that.

Scenario 3: A girl says any of the following to you:

* "You're like a brother to me"
* "You're like a big teddy bear"
* "I feel like I can talk to you about anything"
* "You're so nice"
* "Can you help me with my homework"


Ladder Theory Explanation: You are on the friends ladder. So Sorry.

You can see that a lot of problems can be avoided(though sadly not problem two) by declaring as soon as possible to a girl that you will not be friends under any circumstances. You can explain that she is too attractive or you can be blunt and say you don't want to bend your "friends" over a table and fuck them, but would rather play poker and go to the races with them, thus disqualifying her from friendship. As long as you are clear. OR you can say this and this has been come to be a philosophy of mine; I have enough friends to do stuff with. I have enough friends that I don't get spend enough time with and I'm always feeling guilty about. This may scare a girl away.