the social butterfly effect

I've made a network of friends that is varied and large. I've been fortunate to be connected to such wonderful and amazing people. I've made friends everywhere with everyone and had bonds that and connections with the most unlikely of people.

Having so many friends is a blessing. I've always said and will always say its about getting from here (......................) to () with people. But somewhere along the way I've become lonely. A lot of people are good friends a lot of people I trust. Others I wouldn't give a second thought about.

I only have maybe 3 friends that I really go to. Even out of those 3 I don't come to them with everything. Living practically alone (I say practically because my roomate and I aren't exactly Laverne and Shirley, more like the Odd Couple) doesn't help me feel any more in touch with people. Since my family is far away and phone conversations only go so far.

Being in the present moment and enjoying others around is a good temporary cure. Isn't everything a temporary cure? I've always felt like I haven't found a group of friends where I can be 100% myself. Like I don't have to show only sides of who I am to fit in or have a bond with a group or individuals.

Keeping face and making a positive impact on others is how I make the most of it. Friends are out there and making friendly with everyone is a way to make an impression. I'm not sure anymore what the point is of having a million friends if you can't call any of them when you need them. Imagine if you did. You'd be overstepping boundaries like a mofo and reaching out hoping someone cared to be there.