2nd article for EWORKMARKETS

Like I said, I threw some serious jack at this investment to be an independent and highly successful business consultant so check out the article and tell me if its helpful.

No really, what is it that you do?
Being an entrepreneur and working with a lot of entrepreneurs, I’ve come across a strange realization. At first I thought it was just by pure coincidence that the intelligent business men and women I had come encountered could not clearly describe what they did, or what their business was in. I always thought I just didn’t understand it properly.
Let's see if you're smarter than I am. Here are, in their own words, two of the descriptions I could not understand. The test for understanding is not whether you know the literal meaning of all the words and concepts involved, but whether, after reading, you know what product or service actually changes hands.
1. "I a consultant specializing in Health Care Technology, Health Claims and Practice Mgmt services. I advise on systems analysis and structured design to simple claims handling procedures."
2. "We sell everyday items that everyone needs at reasonable prices."
After mentally correcting the grammatical errors in #1, I’m assuming that this business has something to do with medical claims against insurance. I know a few systems analysts as well so I can also assume that this has something to do with the procesing of electronic information. I also suspect that this consultant services physicians in private practice, but I am still unclear for who she works (hospitals, HMOs, insurance companies) When someone says health care technology it could mean many different including lab work. Too much remains unclear.
Now listen to this; "I help small to mid-sized medical practices (one to five physicians) computerize their insurance claims procedures or simplify their existing system to save on time, money and aggravation." Now that makes simple sense to me. And despite being understandable, I very much doubt that it would confuse those who were knew enough to find the consultant's jargon crystal clear.
Organizations and entrepreneuers must be beware of jargon in the description of their business. Its most damaging characteristic is that people who have heard the word or phrase will never admit they can't translate it into plain English -- they just won't move to hire you, refer appropriate business to you or help you get publicity.
Here’s one thing that can help tell you if if your business description makes sense. Ask five people not in your field to listen to it or read it and tell you in their own words what you sell. If more than one of the five can't tell you accurately, you are definitely missing out on business. Try making it so simple a 12-year-old gets it, such as by specifying the general benefit a client gains from working with you.
The problem in #2 is vagueness. Everyday items like tires? Food? Paper clips? Aspirin?
Other problems I found in those business descriptions included the lack of explaination of the purpose of the product. In a few other cases, I couldn't visualize the product from the description. For example, "We offer personalized greetings that tell you of all the world events that happened on the day you were born. Makes a great gift, more personalized than a greeting card. Great for framing!" I can only guess that this is a physical piece of paper, but it leaves too many questions and not the right questions that a consumer should be asking.
As a professional writer, I know that if there's the any kind of ambiguity in a communication, someone will misunderstand it. And where marketing is concerned, that means a lost opportunity for business. Don't overlook the value of a clear, concise description of your product or business. The time you spend tinkering with it, testing and polishing it will come back to you in profits.
In this day and age of constant branding and marketing efforts in every single type of media, we are completely inundated with marketing information. As a consumer, take 1 hour out of your day to focus on the amount of labels, or marketing messages that are being put in front of you. You won’t even catch half of them but you will realize that there is too many to count. Our brains process this information to only keep track of relevant advertisements. Imagine if your consumer base is not clear on what you do. You will be weeded out of their thoughts systematically!!