turn the pages, turn to stone

The further I get away from this whole thing, the more questions I have...

How were we on 2 different pages? When did that happen? Was it because I said three little words that she couldn't say or feel? I know she came close to it. Not even a few weeks into our relationship she hit me with "whats the word for in between like and love." She also hit me with your a part of my life now... Even though I felt this was a little premature I complied. And complied with everything she asked of me, it wasn't always in the time frame and terms she wanted but I ALWAYS did. If anything I felt like I wasn't on the same page as her. I had to get myself there somehow. Because regardless of rushing in and feeling foolish and out of place - even if I had to akwardly get to that page - I didn't want to miss out on something special.

It took alot out of me to get there but I pushed and I fought through periods and it started to feel natural for me.

Knowing me, you know I've done my research here. I can cite back to incidents and things that were said and things that we fought about. She was the one that brought up the "M" word and talked about kids and such. I was always avoiding it. I didn't want to tell my parents about her but I'm one who did, not her. She wanted me to meet some of her family even thought I told her it made uncomfortable. She wasn't afraid to introduce me to people that could cause her problems later on knowing about our relationship. She made me comfortable. She made it seem like things were so right.

She made me feel like we had something special together and that it was going to get bigger and better.

That was the point in the beginning. I mean that's why we got into this thing. I could've handled a few conversations and let it dissolve. But we got deep into it because we both seemingly wanted that. That's why it went down this path.

We were on the same page. How did it get to where we are now? I think I know...