crushing humiliation

Ok so I need to bring some closure here, because I know this topic has been beat to death over and over, the last month. Wow I can't even believe it's been a month. Here's why this crushing humiliation of being clingy, obsessed, amongst many other negative things makes it almost laughable to me:

I put up with a lot of shit over this whole time. I want to describe it as a period of my life but I can only think of like tornado or hurricane or something that comes through intense and leaves abruptly with a ton collateral damage but it's not as bad as that. I dont know, either way I put up with alot of stupid arguments, a lot of narrow-mindedness (word), a lot just uncomprimising. I could never help but be felt like I was being criticized and compared to other people. You would think over time who I was and what I had become was more important than how I got there. Honestly, I felt in the position where I was just plain not good enough. I can say that because I know its my insecurity and I feel like I can talk about it openly because it's pretty objective in this case. Her words not mine, "You make me happy but I'm always going to want more." Well what the hell more is there than being happy??? That's fine, that's not my issue, I just wish it was something that someone else could've dealt with not me.

It was also pretty interesting to see how from my friends saw a transformation from single Amit to relationship Amit and embraced the changes with open-arms. I guess you would have to have know the other guy to understand all the things I was doing and giving up just make someone happy. I swallowed my pride and I comprimised without even saying anything, even though inside, I'm going, "what happened to you man?" It's one thing to be with someone forgets what you say or is maybe not as in tuned to when they are ignoring you being disrepectful unintentionally, but its sorta big thing to me when they do it minimal apologies and constantly doing it.

I did A LOT of things, I mean countless things that maybe aren't a big deal to people but they add up. I can't delicately put it, but if someone does the amount of shit I was doing, and they cared about you and you were attracted to them and and had a connection with AND they were willing to make sacrifices and change for you - when is it enough? I didn't ask for this relationship at all. In fact I was pressured to stay on level that was uncomfortable for me, but it grew on me so I didn't complain. I think the majority of girls are looking for something like that, which leads me into my next topic.

She brushed over the topic of either her being perfect or me settling when I mentioned some of the above. Well... I don't consider it settling, since settling for me is the many girls that I just don't want to be with for whatever reason, yet they want to be with me. That would be settling. She is FAR from perfect, but there were certain qualities and tangible, intangible that just touched me like noone ever has. So either I am wrong in what I felt OR the whole thing was just a built on false hopes. You know I think I better stop here because I know where my train of thought is headed and it's just going a place where people could get hurt.

But anyways, it's done man. I don't even know that person anymore. I guess I got memories to fall back on if I want to, but what's the point? Right now I just don't know it means to me and maybe down the road it will all make sense.

BUT, I do know that I made a commitment to a 40-day pooja to GOD and through this self-sacrifice I will find a higher level of conciouness and hopefully some peace of mind that I sort of had before.