sorry

For anybody who actually reads this blog I hope that I don't across as some bitter, broken-hearted fool whose problems are worse than yours or anything else going on in the world. This hopefully will put an end to this issue, and my last relationship which is over. I need to get this off my chest before I get back into my work.

Nothing makes logical sense. At the same time she has strong feelings for me, she can't see herself spending the rest of her life with me? WHOAH... I haven't drawn any conclusions on that subject yet she has been able to do that on the limited time that we've spent together in 4 months. She tells me I deserve the best and that is not her. She says she doesnt see things working, but she wants maintain a friendship with me. Do these sound contradicting at all?

Do these statements, objectively sound like something coming from a stable person?? I don't think so. She says she doesnt to want prolong something that isn't going to work out because she knows it wont and it will be harder later to break it off. Ok that's fine, but the differences that existed between us were known from the beginning. I don't care what anybody says, those were accepted in the beginning and they can't be brought up later just because it bugs her.

I don't get it, if I'm such a good person and she has strong feelings for me and I make her happy then why would she in her right mind leave it? She says she doesn't want to lose me, yet she is no longer with me. Well let me ask you, why would leave somebody? Here are my answers...

1- You think there is something better out there. There might be, but there is no guarantee that there is and if it doesnt work out then you end up settling anyways.
2- You're young and have options and choices and you're venturing out of college into this new world and want to explore it and whatever. Ok thats fine, but don't get involved with somebody just so they can be the stable force to bridge the gap for you. Especially if that person really cares about that person and is willing to do anything for them. It's a dangerous situation
3- You lost the ability to make rational decisions. In that case get your self some mental health.
3- What your saying is lies. Nice knowing you. Karma's a bitch.

So many girls play this game and they all end up calling themselves stupid in the end. You'd be suprised but I've had enough girls tell me they were stupid because they were in insecure and unsure about what and who they wanted. Some of them got back what they wanted when they figured it out and others weren't so lucky.

We're on 2 different pages but if she is not willing to make an effort to see if things will work out because she doesnt want the heartache and she doesn't think its going to work, I can't change her mind. I've tried...

I have to start over. I wish I didn't rely on her for support, for a smile, for comfort. After 6 years of the single life, I had reached a level of happiness and I know I can maintain that even alone. After being with somebody that meant so much to me I don't know how I can do this again. The people that keep rebuilding their homes and their lives after hurricanes hit have more faith than me. They keep starting over and they keep hoping it doesn't get destoyed again.

This time I'm moving. It's not that this is the last time or that this hurt more than others. It's because the quality of this person makes me think that anybody is capable of anything. If you open up to somebody like that it goes terrible out of your control than you really don't have anywhere else to turn.

If there are any guys reading this out there that know me and all this is a complete shock to them. I just want them to know that I'm just as vulnerable as the next even though I might put on a front and carry myself a certain way. This is all real yo, and I hope that you can atleast respect that I'm sharing this with the world wide web.