my unsualness

What is it you said to the kid? The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place... and no matter how tough you think you are, it'll always bring you to your knees and keep you there, permanently... if you let it. You or nobody ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward. If you know what you're worth, go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit.

So today, I made some spontaneous decisions. I was supposed to go see Rocky Balboa tonight with Cameron but I decided at 4PM that I wanted to go to the 4:40 show, by myself... So I looked up the times, drove to the movie theatre and sat in half-empty theatre and got the closure on the Rocky series like I and others always wanted to get. I wanted to see a movie by myself since I had never done that and I wanted to see a movie that I really wanted to see - by myself. I wanted to NOT share a special moment with anyone. I wanted to know what it felt like by msyelf. It was unique. I know what you all are thinking: "Dude Rocky? Are you serious?"

Yes I am. I grew up on Rocky just like 2 or 3 other generations of American males. The underdog story, the guy who wasnt smart enough, fast enough, big enough, just plain not good enough to be the Champion of the world but defied conventional logic and physical limitations with heart and courage and persistence.

I definitely gained something out of this. Not only did I get the closure but I learned alot about myself just sitting in that theatre. I realized that she had released all my emotions that I had kept inside me. The same emotions that I controlled with my focus and passion to be successful. It was the chip on my shoulder.

I also realized that my happiness comes in moments, and periods of time. I've been content for a long time. I have been content. I am content right now. When I'm content I'm not satisfied with things; I know things can be better and I want them to be better but it's not a going to change how i was in the moment. I was content with her. But here is the difference and something very significance. Even though I felt content, I was at peace. Does that make sense? I know things were hard because of the distance and limited time and other certain things but I was happy at times and nothing less that content the rest of the time.

Ok my eyes are closing and I got a big day before I head out to Vegas tomm.