its been 1 day

I was a single for a long time. I met alot of girls and I couldn't connect with them. Not that I was looking for a connection but it just didn't happen. At 25, with my experience and with all that I've been through and all that I know, I know what I want and what I don't want.

It's a workable idea but it took me alot of dates, alot of time and energy spent causually and noncasually to see in my mind what I wanted and what was good for me. I try to look at all her flaws and all the negatives I could think of to force myself to cut her out of my heart. I tried to listen to reason and the harsh side of reality but I just can't do it.

She might be on the market already and have cut me out and pushed aside all the feelings that were there for me, but I can't do that. She might see me as a "friend" now and someone frin the past. In life we can only stress about things that we can control, right?

I can't even control my feelings for her. It might've been just 4 months and it might've been maybe less than a week of time together in person... but it definitely doesn't feel that way for me. I don't want to say it was a lifetime of emotion but I made an extra effort and I did what I could to make this the best thing I've been involved in. At times it was even too much for me to be involved in.

Things that bother me the most... Will I ever see her again? Are all the good times and memories that we shared just memories now, nothing more- nothing less? Is she happier now without me?

But then again its only been one day. RIGHT?? :(